Ava has only been gone 4 days and I am so proud of her. I rung some funeral homes and spoke to some of the most compassionate people I have ever met. Except for one - the man who answered made me repeat my story twice, and then rudely said that I didn't know the law and that babies born under 20 weeks gestation cannot be cremated. I hung up as I didn't know what to say and he had hurt me to the core, as he made me feel stupid and like my daughters life didn't count, I hate to think what he thinks people do with their babies who haven't reached the "20 weeks". I knew the law myself - we don't legally have to hold a funeral because of the gestation she was born at, but we could if we wanted to, and we most definitely can cremate or bury our daughter.
My fired up sister visited the funeral home today and met with one of the owners. They had an hour long conversation. She was able to discuss Ava and her important life and that they were wrong and they needed to make changes so that no one else had to go through what I have when trying to plan their daughters cremation or burial. They honestly had no idea. While my sister was meeting with the woman, her husband was on the phone finding out more details. They said they would be telling others in the industry who may also not have had the right information either. They also didn't know that Births, Deaths and Marriages have a certificate similar to a birth certificate but isn't a legal document, but to families like ours is very important. They will be getting these forms for grieving families like us. They wanted to apologise in person, but I don't need to hear that, I just wanted them to know that talking to someone how they did when they are going through the hardest time of their lives is not appropriate, and can be soul destroying. Knowing they are making changes is enough of an apology for us.
Proud of our tiny girl Ava!