The "how many children do you have" question

Today I took my son to get a haircut. The hairdresser and I were chatting about kids and then she asked me "how many kids do you have?" I felt like time stood still and then I said "2" and immediately felt guilty while she continued chatting away. 

I knew this question would come and I was so prepared to say "I have 3 children, 2 here and 1 in heaven" but I got so scared. I didn't want the pity look, I didn't want the awkward silence OR the awkward questions. 

I have felt like a terrible mum all day and can't stop myself from going over the conversation over and over again in my head. I do have 3 children and I really seek to acknowledge Ava everyday, which is easy with people I know and am comfortable with, but with a stranger it just hit me hard. 

I have no idea how I'll respond next time. 

Having your baby die is hard. Having to live without them while life continues is even harder.