I walked in the room and the first thing out of her mouth was "so 24 weeks now!" I stumbled over the words, "no, no I'm not, you need to read the letter my obstetrician sent you weeks ago, and there will be many letters explaining what's been happening".
She just kept saying "oh" as I tried to get the story out as quickly as possible. I kept saying Ava's name and she kept ignoring it.
She also seemed to have little understanding that women give birth everyday to babies that are just 15-16 weeks, she seemed shocked and perplexed that I saw Ava as the person she was. How could I not, she was just a tiny human, the same as you or I, only her heart had stopped beating. When I mentioned having Ava with us in the room for the following 24 hours after her birth she seemed even more stunned.
And then probably the biggest offense was when I asked for a referral to my fertility specialist. We haven't decided if or when we will try for another bub to add to our family, but I wanted the referral just so I had it as it will last a year and my obstetricians one will only last 3 months!
She said to me "so you really want a 3rd baby don't you?" By this stage I think my mouth was just hanging open listening to how insensitive she was. She obviously completely disregarded that Ava was our 3rd child, and if you want to be technical she was our 4th pregnancy. The other thing I don't understand is that if a woman is asking for a referral to a fertility specialist then clearly she and her husband are wanting or at least contemplating adding to their family.
Just because I had a horror pregnancy with Ava (not to mention my first daughters) doesn't mean that I don't deserve to hold another baby in my arms. Just because I have a healthy girl and boy shouldn't make me out to be a selfish, greedy person.
Some doctors need to have some compassion. I'm really hoping that she was just shocked and uncomfortable and that's why it was just such an awkward and uncomfortable conversation. I'll probably go back to her as I do try and see the best in people, but I hope she's learnt that it's probably best to read patients letters and records before they open their mouth.
I know exactly how many weeks I would be without a doctor telling me. I would be 24 weeks and 5 days today.