My friend Shannon from Imagine Candles
custom made me two candles which smelt divine. I asked her to choose the fragrance and she picked well. Ava's hands and footprints were on the label along with a verse from the bible that means a lot to Mat and I as this verse is what was sung as a song at our wedding 10 years ago and was also read at Ava's memorial service.
"Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere" Psalm 84:10
She also made us a smaller candle for our tiny baby lost to miscarriage in October 2008.
These were the main candles that we lit at 7pm. I also lit a few Bears of Hope Candles that we had been given for both our losses the weekend prior and the BOH candles from the ball we attended in September. I lit the candle gifted to me from the Pregnancy and Infant loss Remembrance Day service that morning aswell.
Mat and I both stared at it all for quite some time. The candles were surrounded by some of Ava's things such as her memory box, her urn, name photograph, BOH beat and some ornaments.
We kept it lit for one hour.
I remember lighting a candle last year for the one baby lost to miscarriage years earlier, I remember thinking what a nice idea and that pregnancy and infant loss is becoming more talked about acknowledged, not knowing that a few months later I would be pregnant and a few months after that losing our daughter and that by the time October 15th came around I would be lighting two candles and crying over her death while I flick through the hundreds of photographs of her.
Days like October 15th become filled with meaning. I would love to it to become a public holiday. The statistics say 1in4 babies are lost to miscarriage so that means that almost every family would be affected in some way and a day dedicated to remember and reflect on our babies lives would mean a lot to so many families.
There is still so much work to do breaking the taboo of miscarriage and stillbirth. There is so much more education that needs to be done. There are so many more medical interventions and medications that need to be invented to save sick babies. Way to many families are walking around with shattered hearts.