I had my friend Natasha who is the mother of one of Ava's friends in heaven Elijah offer to come with me on the day. She brought her son and I had Oliver with me too - our two little helpers! I had other friends help me make some treats to take to the hospital for a morning tea I wanted to provide for the midwives as a thankyou for all that they did for me a year ago and everything they continue to do for bereaved families. Another one of Ava's friends in heaven is Levi. His mum Natasha made and decorated some beautiful cakes. Jeanette and Jo also made some delicious deserts too.
We arrived at the hospital and were greeted by the wonderful staff of The antenatal ward - a ward that had some extremely unpleasant and traumatic memories for my family but it is also a kind of sacred place because that is where we met Ava for the first time, that's where we shared out only night as her parents with our baby in the same room as us. That's the place that we said hello and goodbye.
When we left the ward a year ago I could not have told you what it looked like as the only place I was looking when we entered and when we left was the floor - I couldn't bear the thought of looking up and seeing happily pregnant women (even though I could hear CTGs and families visiting their pregnant friends/partners).
One year later I looked straight at the door to the room that Ava was born in right next to the nurses station. The door where the butterfly tag was stuck on the door so that all hospital staff knew what type of family were in there. Family's who had their lives shattered with devastating words, devastating diagnosis', devastating medical reports.
We sat down in the staffroom and chatted to the midwives while we ate morning tea. It was lovely having them say Ava's name. There was no pretending she never existed as so often occurs, these midwives and nurses know very well these babies have existed and honour them by talking about them to their parents. We were asked if there were things that they could improve on in the care the provide to women delivering tiny stillborn babies and I got to share Ava's story and about the wonderful, selfless work that so many volunteers are doing for Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small.
I want to thank every single volunteer who has joined us the past year. Your support has meant so much to me and I know just how much every parent who receives your hats, nappies, blankets, gowns, angel pouches and clothes appreciates what you have provided.
Having something that fits your baby, that you can look back on in photographs and hold their things and remember their size and what they looked like is so important. The things we received for Ava are some of my most precious possessions.
You cannot ignore a baby when you see the blood that stains their clothes, you cant not imagine the baby that was wrapped in the blanket a grandmother knitted. You can't imagine the dignity a family feels when they see their baby dressed in their nappy. A mother can't forget the smell of their baby when they open their memory box and they pull their babies things out to reminisce.
Over the past year if you put together all the hats, nappies, blankets and clothes that have been handmade and donated to Nepean Public Hospital along with the two pages of personal donations that I have posted to families on request, it has been thousands of tiny baby things that have touched babies and their families.
Starting Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small soon after Ava died was something that kept my mind busy on something positive when it felt like my world was falling apart. It helped me realise how many people actually do acknowledge these babies lives and how much they matter.
When our babies are gone and we don't have them to hold anymore, having keepsakes from the hours we spend with them become incredibly special.
Thankyou for everyone's support. If you would like to join us through sewing, knitting or crochet then please contact myself at avagracenfts@gmail.com if you can support the volunteers by donating wool or fabric or just by tracing and cutting out nappy patterns on fabric I would love to hear from you!
Please come and join our volunteer Facebook Page. https://www.facebook.com/groups/1692090737678771/
