tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15321748140635409362024-03-06T02:50:00.045+11:00Ava Grace - Journey with a Cystic Hygroma Our daughters journey with cystic hygroma / lymphatic vascular malformation and my journey through grief from the loss of our daughter Ava Grace. Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.comBlogger187125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-86399802982207412412021-02-13T20:59:00.003+11:002021-02-13T20:59:28.434+11:002021<p> It’s been awhile since I have written, yet it doesn’t mean I think about our Ava Grace any less often. </p><p>I have taken on a new role at my work which I am loving but it does take more of my time and my three children I hold in my arms keep me very busy with all their commitments and activities! </p><p>I am still donating baby clothes made lovingly by amazing volunteers to hospitals for bereaved families, just at a much slower pace. I always said I wanted Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small to be sustainable and long term and this is proving to be the case after almost six years. It has been lovely but at the same time heartbreaking to be contacted by hospitals who have previously accepted our baby clothes asking for more. The need is always going to be there unfortunately, but at least this is one way myself and other volunteers can help. </p><p><br /></p><p>This year Ava would have been starting kindergarten. The lead up to the day was extremely different as I fell became into deep grief. I am fortunate that I have found ways to function even when deep grief hits me so that life continues but the pain is very real and still physically hurts. My baby girl is almost 6 years old in heaven. February is a hard month as I re-live every appointment, every scan, every invasive test I went through hoping and praying we would bring home a healthy baby girl. This leads into March and her birthday on the 16th. For the past few years I have marked her birthday by purchasing gifts for my three living children. I wrap them up and they open them. The way I see it is that I am desperate to see Ava opening her presents with excitement which will sadly never happen so it makes me happy to see my three living children opening a present for themselves for being brave living their lives without their sister. I will be shopping for their presents in the next few weeks. </p><p><br /></p><p>The thought that I have lived almost six years without Ava takes my breathe away. It seems like a lifetime but also like it was just yesterday that I was holding her. People often think grief goes away. It doesn’t, you just learn to live walking beside it. If Ava were here our family would be entering a new season with all of our kids in primary school. Our life’s path is different to what we were envisioning six years ago but it’s also a good path and one with a three year old that I cherish! I love my time at home with him watching him explore and develop. He has only two more years until he starts kindergarten. </p><p><br /></p><p>Thank you in advance for saying Ava’s name and wishing her a Happy 6th Birthday next month. I will never ignore her birthday or pretend she didn’t exist even though some people may feel uncomfortable. She was here and made her footprint 👣 in this world and on my heart. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-6167103578031025742020-09-10T08:21:00.001+10:002020-09-10T08:21:11.842+10:00Article in the Western Weekender <p>About a week again I had a journalist contact me wanting to talk about women accessing leave after having a stillbirth. Ava wasn’t technically a stillbirth as she was under 20 weeks but I still welcome changes to any workplace laws that allow women to take the time to grieve without worrying about work and finances. </p><p>Attached is a link to the article that appeared in the Western Weekender. <a href="https://westernweekender.com.au/2020/09/families-welcome-laws-that-improve-leave-offered-to-mothers-devastated-by-stillbirth/">https://westernweekender.com.au/2020/09/families-welcome-laws-that-improve-leave-offered-to-mothers-devastated-by-stillbirth/</a></p>Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-18037846750351198722020-01-26T23:01:00.002+11:002020-01-26T23:01:26.393+11:00A New Year and Milestone If Ava Grace were here today, I would be preparing her to start pre-k in just a few days. I wish I was ironing her uniform ready for her to wear on her first day this week.<br />
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She would of been in the three day class and I know she would of loved being at big school with her big brother and sister. They would of loved having her there too. If she was anything like Ella she would have fun playing dress ups and in the home corner. She would be quiet and inquisitive and just waiting for new opportunities and friends. I think she would of had brown hair like me but maybe she would of been blonde like Ella and Oliver at the same age. Oliver would hold her hand as we walk in to school. I would be holding back tears trying to put on a brave face that my baby was in her last year before formal schooling and marvelling at how quick the years go by.<br />
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I think one of the things I have learnt whilst on my grief journey the last five years is that I need to acknowledge my grief, let myself grieve and be honest with myself and let myself feel what I am feeling. Trying to “skip” over milestone dates never works for me as much as I have sometimes tried.<br />
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It was also the first week back at school that we were first given Ava’s preliminary diagnosis, the next 6 weeks were filled with fear, uncertainty, desperate hope, anguish and pain. This part of the year is draining for me as I process everything that has happened whilst setting up routine for the coming year.<br />
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If you see me with a smile, I may be smiling but I also may be hurting deep within never for a moment forgetting my Ava Grace.Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-4214686197374545882019-03-02T21:26:00.000+11:002019-03-02T21:26:58.219+11:00NSW Women of the Year AwardsYesterday, on Friday 1st March I went to Nepean Hospital and stood in a room very close to the room where Ava was born. This room is being set up for bereaved parents by the wonderful midwives and staff who work on the antenatal ward. I feel that Nepean Hospital are leading the way in bereavement care in NSW and are a model that many other hospitals can learn from. The staff that work there and care for families are amazing.<br />
My good friend Natasha who is a bereaved mother of Elijah and four gorgeous boys at home came with me and it was so special to have her with me as Natasha has been a dedicated volunteer for Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small. She is very talented and is able to knit, crochet and sew the small baby items we donate to Nepean and hospitals around the country. My husband Mat was there to support me along with Jesse our rainbow baby who is now 21 months old. My friend Meagan was there and Shirley who is the wonderful midwife who gratefully accepts our donations to the ward along with Alisha who provides bereavement care.<br />
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I was invited to the hospital and Antenatal Ward as I was being presented the Mulgoa 2019 Local Woman of the Year Award by the Hon. Tanya Davies MP Member for Mulgoa, NSW Minister for Women. It was lovely to speak with her and tell her some of Ava's story and what we are doing at Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small.<br />
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It was a humbling experience and such an honour being presented the award for my work with Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small. I started the volunteer group soon after Ava was born as a way of giving back and working through my grief. I was sitting at a sewing machine trying my best to sew simple blankets and nappies for other parents who would walk the same path that we were now walking. I treasured the items that amazing charities and volunteers had given to Nepean Hospital to pass on to us so that our daughter would have something to wear and something that we could hold in our hands when she was gone. I have so many wonderful volunteers who work with me to provide these clothes and items to hospitals and this award is as much for them as it is for me with all the hours they spend and money they spend on materials and yarn. I handed over a box of recently made items comprising of blankets, teddy bears and clothing packages.<br />
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In just 2 weeks it will be Ava's 4th Birthday on the 16th March. I am coping much better this year and thankfully I haven't suffered from the crippling flashbacks that I experienced in the lead up to Ava's 3rd Birthday last year. I still grieve everyday for the "what if" and "should have been" but I am truly learning to walk beside my grief and not have it consume me like it did in the early days when it was so raw and physically painful. I am able to think of her with a smile on my face and everything she has brought to my life, even though some days the tears fall.<br />
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This coming Thursday 7th March I will be attending the NSW Women of the Year Awards. I am looking forward to hearing and meeting inspirational women who are making a difference in their communities. Thankyou to each and every volunteer and supporter of Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small.<br />
<br />Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-62877013969716906912019-01-05T12:59:00.004+11:002019-01-05T12:59:58.319+11:00Comfort For The Tears Book<span style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #444950; font-size: 12px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #444950; font-size: 12px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A couple of years ago I was contact by author and bereaved mother Melissa Desveaux. She was putting a book together of stories from parents who had experienced pregnancy loss, gone through a NICU journey with premature babies and stories from those who had been through infertility and IVF. She asked if I wanted to share Ava's story, which I did. I wrote her birth story which is also on my blog. It was published under the name "Comfort for the Tears, Light for the way" and recently she has published it againwith the title "Comfort for the Tears" with a few changes and added more stories.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #444950; font-size: 12px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Below I will share what the back of the book says: </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #444950; font-size: 12px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Written by those who have been devastated by loss or grief before, during, and after pregnancy, courageously told as only those who have suffered immense tragedy can…</span><br style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #444950; font-size: 12px; white-space: pre-wrap;" /><br style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #444950; font-size: 12px; white-space: pre-wrap;" /><span style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #444950; font-size: 12px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Comfort for the Tears takes you on an emotional journey into the lives of multiple families. Each account of pregnancy and infant loss, fertility struggles, and premature births is honest, raw and real, yet sensitive and compassionate. </span><br style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #444950; font-size: 12px; white-space: pre-wrap;" /><br style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #444950; font-size: 12px; white-space: pre-wrap;" /><span style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #444950; font-size: 12px; white-space: pre-wrap;">This collective memoir provides support, guidance, and love through the incredibly hard times of grief. Find healing and solace as you join these parents. Be empowered and strengthened by their stories. Most importantly, learn to hope again.</span><br style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #444950; font-size: 12px; white-space: pre-wrap;" /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I would love you to support Melissa in what she is doing to support others. If you would like to purchase a copy of the book you can search for it at Amazon and also Barnes and Noble online</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/comfort-for-the-tears-melissa-desveaux/1130038044?ean=9780992499372" target="_blank"> https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/comfort-for-the-tears-melissa-desveaux/1130038044?ean=9780992499372</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The link to Melissa's website is<span style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #444950; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><a href="http://bit.ly/comfortforthetears">bit.ly/comfortforthetears</a></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f1f0f0; color: #444950; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, system-ui, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 12px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-6190778253711534392019-01-05T12:40:00.001+11:002019-01-05T12:40:26.685+11:00A look back of Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small 2018I had taken a long break from Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small following a stressful and high risk pregnancy with our rainbow Jesse and then many months getting back into the routine of having a young baby.<div>
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I had decided that when I started donating again I needed it to be sustainable. I don't have much storage space anymore as Jesse is in what was our spare bedroom so I could not take on or store huge quantities of baby blankets and clothes. I take on what I can, when I can so that I can do this long term as a legacy for Ava. This year I have sent packages to Adelaide, Victoria, QLD and NSW. I have had hospitals contact me asking for more items when they have gone through all that has been given in the past. I was able to do this because of wonderful volunteers who give up their time and spend money on wool and sewing materials to make these items. I have also had the pleasure of meeting over lunch with some of the more local volunteers.</div>
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I have also decided to try and focus in especially on babies who have passed away between 12-24 weeks as this is often what hospitals receive the least of. I am deeply saddened when I hear of families still not having any thing to dress and wrap their babies in which to me is common decency that these babies and families deserve. If you know of hospitals that could use tiny baby clothes then please get in contact with myself as I would love to help. Just in December I posted and delivered more than 30kg of baby clothes.</div>
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I have also been able to send individual packages out to grieving families this year when they have contacted me. if you ever hear of someone in this circumstance please let me know as I would love to help out in any way I can.</div>
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2019 has begun and I am hoping to carry on Ava's legacy by helping more hospitals and families reach bereaved families. </div>
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Find us on Facebook at Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small. I have a Public Page and I also have a private page for volunteers if you would like to help!</div>
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Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-20604490500272454902019-01-05T11:59:00.001+11:002019-01-05T11:59:21.945+11:00Tiny DancerAbout a month ago I attended my children's dance concert. It was a wonderful day seeing both Ella and Oliver perform as they both love to dance. They had the opportunity to dance in two concerts that day. The junior concert and the senior concert.<br />
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The junior concert features some very young dancers, some as young as 2-3 years of age. I still remember when we fist watched Ella dance on the stage at 2 years of age, it was gorgeous seeing her smile underneath the lights.<br />
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Ava would of turned 3 last year. She would of joined a dance class either last year or the year before and would of been performing at the concert. 3 years ago, seeing toddlers dance on stage would of had me all choked up trying to force back tears. I didn't cry this year and I was able to watch these tiny dancers with a smile on my face as they were incredibly cute. However, I think it is always going to be difficult seeing anything that could of been a milestone event for our little girl. The "what if's and "should of been" and "could of been" memories are always there driving a knife into my shattered heart.<br />
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Pregnancy loss is unfortunately common, that means that in that auditorium there would of been other parents watching dancers of all ages picturing their child centre stage and what the scene would of looked like.<br />
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My tiny dancer is dancing in heaven and I can't wait to see her dance!Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-7827743521530125072018-10-03T21:14:00.000+10:002018-10-03T21:14:07.337+10:00Thoughts for today...It’s been awhile since I last blogged. This doesn’t mean I think about or talk about Ava Grace any less than I have in the past 3.5 years. Ava is constantly on my mind and also comes up in conversation a lot.<br />
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I was thinking today about Pregnancy and Infant loss awareness month which is October each year. It’s nice that attention and awareness can be given to this important topic but it also makes me wonder why there is still such taboo and such secrecy around pregnancy loss. What is it that makes people so uncomfortable to talk and acknowledge these little lives?<br />
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Why are people so uncomfortable talking about miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss and termination for medical reasons? Why are people shut down when they try to speak their babies names? Why do people hide their pain? Why do people talk about their pain yet no one wants to listen? If someone loses a loved one in their later years and they talk about them, why is that seen as natural and something that others engage in? Is it because it is memories of a person who lived a long life? A baby that dies in the womb still created memories for their parents, they still have a story to tell, even though it may have been short. Some people say goodbye to their loved one holding their hand as they take their last breath or say their goodbyes once they are already gone. So why oh why is it wrong of bereaved parents to want to see and hold their baby after they are born sleeping or pass soon after?<br />
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Maybe in 100 years the conversation around baby loss will be completely different. Maybe bereaved parents will have their babies acknowledged daily. Maybe all babies will be legally recognised whether they hit the magic 20 week mark or not. Maybe all health professionals will have sufficient training to provide appropriate and compassionate care for bereaved parents and their precious babies.<br />
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Maybe our babies names will be spoken, written, heard and not forgotten.Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-81272851034640515472018-03-03T15:10:00.003+11:002018-03-03T15:10:59.154+11:00Ava Grace No Footprint Too SmallSome of my readers will be aware that I started a volunteers group soon after Ava passed away to create baby clothes and keepsakes for other bereaved parents after being blessed with precious items to dress Ava in whilst in hospital.<br />
I have posted the announcement below in the volunteers page today as I will be starting to collect again. If you are interested in joining us please follow the link. <a href="https://m.facebook.com/groups/1692090737678771" target="_blank">https://m.facebook.com/groups/1692090737678771</a><br />
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Important Announcement:<br />
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To all of you in this group who have in the past or want to in the future create tiny baby clothes and keepsakes I thank you for your patience while I took an extended break during my high risk pregnancy with our rainbow Jesse and focused on our family after his birth.<br />
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Ava's 3rd Birthday is coming up on the 16th March. I would like to start collecting donations of baby clothes, hats, nappies, booties, sleeping bags, bears and other special keepsakes after this date.<br />
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I will be focusing on collecting tiny baby clothes as quite often hospitals receive prem clothes but not clothes for the 12-24 weekers. If you do have something you have made or wanting to make that you are not sure about please feel free to message me. I am happy to receive blankets to donate but keep in mind I do't have alot of storage space so I am unable to take large quantities. There are patterns in the files section of this page but there are also many free patterns you can find on the internet. Some of the volunteers also modify bigger patterns. I myself make nappies and to make them small enough I took a larger pattern and shrunk it down on a photocopier to make it small enough for a 14 week old baby to wear. There is also a size chart that can help you when working out exactly what size to make it too. I also encourage you to look through photographs members have posted of the beautiful things they have created.<br />
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People often ask what is most needed, or most wanted by bereaved parents. I often say don't ever underestimate the power of a 3cm nappy! These are what I get the most feedback on from hospitals and bereaved parents themselves. You may ask why a nappy as a stillborn baby has no use for it. However, a nappy humanises that baby. It gives dignity to the baby. It shows the parents that someone else cares about their baby and sees their baby as someone just as precious as their living children.<br />
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Pastel colours are best, just as they are for full term babies. If you wouldn't use a particular fabric or wool for your living, fullterm baby then it would not be suitable for our tiny sleeping babies. These babies skin can be incredibly delicate so soft is best without fibres that can be rough or stick to their skin. Where possible if two of the same outfit/nappy/hat can be made that would be wonderful so that parents don't have the difficult decision of keeping their baby dressed or keeping their babies clothes as a keepsake.<br />
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Ava Grace was born at 15.3 weeks. She weighed 105grams and was 15.5cm in length. She had a head circumference of 10cm. She was tiny but fully formed right down to her fingertips and petite nose and ears. She was delicate, but more strong than many would believe. She was able to be dressed and undressed. She was dressed by my wonderful midwife in a spotted smocked dress/gown. She wore a pink beanie and a rainbow nappy. She also was given booties although these were a little big for her. The next day we placed her in her angel gown wrap in her nappy. We took the clothes she was wearing home except the nappy as we were given two the same so she could keep wearing hers and we kept one exactly the same. She was also wrapped in and gifted mini quilts and blankets. Every single piece that touched her is incredibly special to us and is displayed in our home with Ava's special things. Bereaved parents do not get to create many memories with their baby so any connection to them is so incredibly important and treasured!<br />
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If you have any questions please feel free to message me though this page. If you live nearby then I can arrange a time for you to drop off or myself pick up or I can give you my address to post your generous baby things to me. I package up these baby clothes and place a card with it too before it is sent on to bereaved parents.<br />
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In the past I have donated on behalf of this group to hospitals all around Australia aswell as a couple of hospitals overseas. Nepean Hospital (Penrith, NSW) has received the most as this hospital holds a special place in my heart as it is where Ava was born and died and the care I received from their staff was wonderful at such a sad time. I will continue to do this. If you have any contacts in hospitals or even know someone personally who is about to, or has experienced a loss and would welcome a donation of clothes and keepsakes, then please contact myself. Quite often hospitals do not have anything to give bereaved parents except an oversized blanket not in proportion to their size. Lets work together to change this so that no family experiences any more grief than what they already do.<br />
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Thankyou again for your support over the last 3 years. It means the world to me and my family. We love honouring Ava Grace and all babies who are gone too soon. <br />
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Erin Johnson<br />
(Founder of Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small)<br />
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<a href="https://m.facebook.com/groups/1692090737678771">https://m.facebook.com/groups/1692090737678771</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV5rsDYcc1ewD1FUs5Qmle62fCzi_qpsYnAW_zlgugUuI_awfrZPHIXck3uZQSUlH3v2CVdCdubwpF4YIUH1zGOY0eKMvjQ4zqreXxK9WsU0tydILjeYa_s5RI2angmfRUpeNrAhxZdAY/s1600/blogger-image-1423287522.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV5rsDYcc1ewD1FUs5Qmle62fCzi_qpsYnAW_zlgugUuI_awfrZPHIXck3uZQSUlH3v2CVdCdubwpF4YIUH1zGOY0eKMvjQ4zqreXxK9WsU0tydILjeYa_s5RI2angmfRUpeNrAhxZdAY/s320/blogger-image-1423287522.jpg" width="320" /></a>Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-18583263708302947092018-03-01T21:39:00.001+11:002018-03-01T21:44:25.402+11:00154 weeks and 3 days <div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">154 weeks and 3 days since we said hello and goodbye... it was March 2015 where Ava’s condition went downhill rapidly. We were having scans weekly, twice weekly and then then daily and every day the cystic hygroma was taking over more of her tiny body. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I hate March it has so many painful memories that I want to forget... but then that would mean forgetting her... and I can’t. Those were the days she was still alive, barely, while her lungs filled with fluid and her organs started to show stress and her body distorted by her vascular and lymphatic systems failing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I have ultrasound videos of her, one of which was offered by the private ultrasound clinic when they knew she was dying but I can’t seem to make myself watch them. I know I really wanted them at the time. She was waving to us in one of them. I remember so vividly sitting in a specialists office begging them to give us some sort of hope. I remember going around in circles asking and being told the same thing. Hopelessness is a horrible place to be in when you are usually a very positive person. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I wish I could of somehow protected my older kids from the pain of loss, of their baby sister. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">March is so excruciating for so many reasons.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I’m not sure why her third birthday is giving me the emotions I’m feeling st the moment, I guess it’s just part of grief. The fact that life is moving further away from when we held her. Wanting to go back but also running from the pain. </span></div>
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I love her so deeply which means I miss her so deeply. I miss the feeling of her hand in mine. </div>
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15 days until Ava Grace is 3.</div>
Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-35282440453583038522017-10-18T13:49:00.002+11:002017-10-18T13:49:25.155+11:00Update October 2017Hi and thankyou for reading my blog. If you have found my blog because your baby has been diagnosed with a cystic hygroma/lymphatic malformation/vascular malformation or because your baby has passed away or if you are being faced with the biggest decision you will ever have to make I am so sorry to hear this.<br />
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I am two and a half years on from last holding Ava and I miss her just as much. Just because I am not blogging regularly, does not mean that I think of or miss Ava any less. The pain is still huge and some days I cant help but break down because I miss her so much and wish she was here running around as a toddler. My grief is not raw like it was 2 years ago but it is still deeply painful and has forever changed the person I was.<br />
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I have been on a break from my volunteer group Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small, however I have still been able to donate many boxes of sewn, knitted and crochet baby outfits and wraps to hospitals across Australia and also to individual families. The word is getting out about the quality of the baby things as I have had hospitals contact myself asking for more since I have originally sent out boxes to them.<br />
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I was able to attend the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance service at Nepean Hospital last week. This was a lovely service which honours all our babies gone too soon and also is a time I can connect with other bereaved parents and friends and the wonderful staff who looked after us at Nepean.<br />
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I was attending both the Bears of Hope and Pregnancy after loss support groups earlier in the year prior to having our latest addition Jesse and I hope to get back to it soon. Those support groups are what has got me to where I am in my grief and I know I am in a much better place because of the wonderful support Bears of Hope provide.<br />
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I have made some very close friends with others who I have got to know through the support groups and I treasure the times we meet to laugh and talk about ALL our children.<br />
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Having Jesse come into our family has meant I have been asked lots of times how many children I have (as often Ella is at school and Oliver preschool) or I am questioned why there is a big age gap between Jesse and the older two. These questions used to cause me to freeze. I used to dread being asked questions about how many children I have because I didn't want to leave Ava out but I also hated the awkwardness that can happen when I answer and tell them I have four children but only three are here with me. I am much better at answering questions about my family now but it still puts a tiny dagger into my sensitive heart and I still cant bear when you see people relax after they ask at what gestation she was born as if it doesn't matter so much because she was so tiny.<br />
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Having a baby means I venture into the baby clothes section often. This also means I am surrounded by pretty girls clothes. I try and avoid looking at anything that would fit Ava as it hurts (physically and emotionally!) It is hard not to imagine what Ava would look like as Jesse looks so much like Ella and Oliver and I know Ava would of too. Ava would of been old enough to do dancing this year and she would of been in her first dance concert with her older brother and sister this year which is hard not to think about. So I have learnt that the milestones (or lack of) still keep coming even when our babies have been gone for years. She is always on my mind just as my living children are. Having a rainbow baby has been very healing for my broken and shattered heart, but at the same time it makes you wonder would Ava have done that, worn that, liked that....<br />
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I still feel incredibly grateful for the time we spent with Ava and the place she now holds within our family. My children talk about her often in the most natural of ways which is really lovely to see.<br />
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Thankyou for everyones support and for reading this long and somewhat disjointed blog post!<br />
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Sincerely,<br />
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Ava's Mummy xxxAva's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-82071970850911960352017-06-07T11:45:00.001+10:002017-06-07T12:04:14.993+10:00Our Rainbow Baby <img src="webkit-fake-url://0aa744f6-a3f4-4b8c-b6a1-51905c42d453/imagejpeg" /><br />
A baby born after loss is called a rainbow baby. This is because even though the storm may not be over the rainbow is a symbol of hope.<br />
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Our rainbow baby boy Jesse Lachlan was born Friday 12th May 2017 at 6:18pm.<br />
Weight 3.48kg<br />
Length 51cm<br />
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Name meaning: Jesse - gift from God, Lachlan - warrior (so meaningful)<br />
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He has completed our family even though there will always be a missing piece. One of the first things I noticed was that Jesse has dark hair. It may turn fair and be like his living siblings or he may have dark hair and take after myself. I had always wondered whether Ava would of had brown hair and looked like me and seeing Jesse made me think it would of been possible.<br />
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Having Jesse has brought some healing to our hearts and we are so grateful to have him in our arms after a very long and stressful journey through infertility treatments and then a pregnancy that early on looked like it was traveling the same path of our pregnancy with Ava.<br />
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We miss our Ava Grace just as much as ever and I wish I had her here running around getting into mischief just as toddlers do. In no way is Jesse replacing Ava but he has brought so much joy to our family and we thank God for our gift!<br />
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Thankyou to everyone who has prayed for us and encouraged us over the past 2 years.<br />
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We walked out of hospital on the 16th May 2017 with our arms full which was exactly 2 years and 2 months since losing Ava and walking out with empty arms.<br />
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. Please click the link below to be directed to my Ava Grace FB page.<br />
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=799496410208276&id=456622537829000" target="_blank">https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=799496410208276&id=456622537829000</a><br />
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<br />Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-43465066396476110522017-02-19T20:27:00.003+11:002017-02-19T20:30:20.020+11:00Traumatised - againA rainbow baby pregnancy is always going to be scary. It is a mixture of complete joy mixed with fear. For those who decide to conceive again after loss you have hope that maybe things will turn out differently this time, surely it can't happen again. Unfortunately and heartbreakingly it DOES happen again, to those who have already lost before which just seems so incredibly cruel.<br />
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So with my little bundle of hope (mixed with fear) I had a few early ultrasounds. The first to check I didn't have an ectopic pregnancy (based on my history) then there was another ultrasound for the IVF clinic to confirm a heartbeat (we could see but not hear). Then another to hear the heartbeat. We saw the geneticist and genetic counsellor who said they weren't anticipating any issues or a repeat of what happened to Ava but because of how anxious I was and based on my history they recommended serial scanning from early on in the pregnancy and hopefully once I saw early on that there was not high nuchal fluid/cystic hygroma I would be able to relax (a little).<br />
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I saw my obstetrician who always does a quick ultrasound in his office at every appointment. It was genuinely nice to be back under the care of my obstetrician/gynecologist who I have now been seeing the last 10 years. All looked good on the ultrasound and of course I am on the look out for extra nuchal fluid, but it is too early to see it. A week later I am back and relieved to not see any extra fluid, but still aware its probably too early.<br />
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At 9 weeks and 5 days I am back at my Obstetricians office and he puts the ultrasound probe on me. As soon as the picture comes up on the screen it was immediately obvious what we both could see - a very defined spot of nuchal fluid. I wasn't even 10 weeks gestation. It wasn't even a nuchal translucency scan. I started to shake, cry, spit out words pleading with him to tell me it wasn't what I knew it was, but he knew as well as I did what we were seeing and he wouldn't ever lie to me, though at the same time was trying to calm me.<br />
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I had two stories that started in exactly the same way. One of them ended in the fullterm birth of a healthy baby girl Ella Georgia who is now 7 after a scary pregnancy. I also had a traumatic and devastating story of our tiny baby girl Ava Grace that was very fresh in my mind. As positive as I and others had been that Ava would be born healthy just as Ella was, that wasn't the case, so no amount of "thinking positive" would save this baby if their fate was already decided and their lymphatic and vascular system was just not going to develop.<br />
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TRAUMATISED ALL OVER AGAIN.<br />
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I felt like I was looking in on someone else's nightmare. This was my greatest fear. If I had been told something else was wrong I probably would have taken the news better than I did at hearing the same thing had happened again. Physically my body was under attack. I had been very well up until this point but suddenly had morning sickness rear its head and my blood pressure shot up causing horrible symptoms. My heart was constantly racing and I was nauseated constantly. I was on the verge of tears at all times and had nightmares and very disturbed sleep. I felt like I could faint at any moment which was really unpleasant and downright scary. As much as I felt incredibly close to the situation I also felt very distant, I guess as a way to try and protect myself of the pain that I new was very possibly coming.<br />
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I was unable to do anything with the Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small donations that were in Ava's room/spare room/sewing room/future baby's room. Looking at each knitted gown just made my mind go to a place of having to choose an outfit for this baby that I was carrying that I still didn't know would live or die. It was incredibly painful. Was Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small going to have a name change in the future to fit a siblings name?<br />
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There was nothing we could do but wait. So we waited and had more ultrasounds. I decided to get the genesyte test which tests for a few of the common chromosome issues - when you have absolutely no control over the situation just doing something felt better than doing nothing, and so I went for the blood test (which would also tell us the gender).<br />
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The bloodtest was marked as urgent but of course there were delays that had me on the phone to the company that collects the blood yelling down the phone like a crazy woman as it just added to my torture. We were supposed to get our results at an appointment with our obstetrician but this didn't happen because of the delays. This meant that I received a phone call the following day while I was by myself when I had really wanted my husband to be with me. The results were fine and this is when we found out we were having a sweet little boy. However I had no idea what this phone call would do to my built up emotions! I started crying uncontrollably and could not stop. I knew that this test was likely not to give us any answers, but it really hit me hard and I had to go home from work.<br />
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Finding out the gender was important for bonding for not only my husband and myself but our young children. When you lose a baby, the gender of your rainbow baby can become a much bigger issue than you ever thought imaginable. Of course all you want is to have a healthy baby but I am also going to be honest and share that finding out that we would never get another glimpse of what a baby daughter would look like was hard.<br />
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I have a really wonderful obstetrician who was happy for me to see him as often as possible and every time I do see him he does an ultrasound. Week after week the fluid kept increasing which just increased my anxiety. My blood pressure was high and I felt constantly sick and like I could not breathe properly. Stress does terrible things to your body! I was also having ultrasounds at a specialist ultrasound centre too where our baby and their organs were looked at very closely and measurements taken of fluid.<br />
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During this time I was in contact with the genetic counsellors who were very supportive and helpful to debrief and ask questions. I was offered CVS testing (again) and after talking it through, praying about it we declined having invasive testing again as it was very unlikely to show anything wrong, based on our history. So we waited.<br />
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We waited some more.<br />
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At an appointment with our obstetrician he said he thought the fluid was less. I couldnt allow myself to get my hopes up as I knew this was at an absolutely critical time for the lymphatic system to kick in. I knew from everything I had read and be told that 14 weeks was a crucial time. I had an ultrasound at the specialist centre a few days later which confirmed the fluid was now resolving!<br />
Praise Jesus! This is what we needed to see and I had instant relief.<br />
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In saying all of this, it is important to remember that just because high nuchal fluid resolves it doesn't mean that you are having a healthy baby now. However it was looking more and more likely that our baby DID NOT have lymphatic vascular malformation like Ava did. High nuchal fluid that has resolved means that it was an indicator that something may be wrong. In our first daughter Ella's case there was nothing wrong and she was born healthy after a very stressful pregnancy filled with the unknown. In this babies case so far he was looking good but he needed to be closely watched so my frequent appointments became a little less frequent. An early and detailed morphology scan was done and then a follow up scan 4 weeks later was performed too. A cardiac scan is needed in these cases as high nuchal fluid can be an indicator of a heart defect (small or severe). Earlier on when the heart was being looked at it was leaning at more of an angle than it should have which had raised the question of him perhaps having something wrong with his heart.<br />
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I am very happy to say that the cardiac scan was done last week at 26 weeks gestation and his heart looked very good. He looks to be a healthy baby which was so lovely and reassuring to see.<br />
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We still have a few months until he is born, with more ultrasounds and checks to come but I now have more faith that we may be bringing home a healthy baby - this is something that just a few months ago I thought would not be happening, I thought we would be bringing home another tiny urn to sit with Ava's, another baby who had an unformed lymphatic system not compatible with life.<br />
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I am almost 27 weeks pregnant and soon into the third trimester. My obstetrician commented the other day that this seems like the longest pregnancy and I said I couldn't agree more. The anxiety associated with pregnancy after loss is not to be underestimated and is difficult to put into words.<br />
I don't know why we have been faced with another difficult pregnancy which has had so many challenges so early on again. It just joins my long list of of "why" questions.<br />
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This little boy is so loved and really is a miracle in so many ways. I had a friend once tell me that we have fought hard for every single one of our children and all I can say is yes, we have fought for very one of them. They have all been worth it.<br />
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Early on in this pregnancy I found this song. I sang, cried, prayed and listened to this song over and over again and it certainly blessed me. The storm is not over yet but we are walking through it one minute, one day at a time.<br />
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Praise you in the storm - Casting Crowns<br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5bLvVjJ4MA" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5bLvVjJ4MA</a><br />
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<br />Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-22828181383658400932017-01-20T21:55:00.001+11:002017-01-20T22:56:15.328+11:00IVF TTC after loss brings about a whole new range of emotions to deal with and when infertility is added on top of this, it can seem insurmountable and can be incredibly painful. The loss of our Ava Grace and the trauma I was still feeling almost 18 months later was very raw. Deciding to add to your family is a difficult decision because you know that no baby will ever be a replacement for the child that died but there is a gaping hole that you can feel desperate to fill. In our case IVF turned out to be the path we walked.<br />
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The path to IVF can be very daunting and it took quite some time before we took that step. It was definitely the right one though and was nowhere near as hard as I was expecting, I think because I was so used to Fertility Clinics procedures after undertaking 17 assisted conception cycles (also known as ovulation induction) I was pretty much swapping tablets for a few needles a day and of course adding in two day procedures (the first of which was not pleasant at all). I feel that these cycles helped prepare me for the IVF process.<br />
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We had changed to a much more affordable clinic for IVF as the thought of being financially ruined after every failed cycle as well as being emotionally messed with was not something we could get our heads around. I had a good friend recommend Westmead Fertility Centre and I am so glad she did, even though it meant a much further drive for treatment and appointments!</div>
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Dr Ashley Fong was very understanding and compassionate about our loss of Ava and went through our whole history which included endometriosis and adhesions which had included 3 surgeries, PCOS, AMH levels which seem to change every single time I have had that blood test done, a blocked tube due to an undiagnosed ectopic pregnancy as well as looking at my previous response to Fertility Medications, which years ago had worked well, though not when trying to conceive our Ava and longed for rainbow baby. </div>
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I think for many women the thought of giving yourself needles can be one of the hardest parts of IVF. <br />
I knew my husband would not be able to do them for me as he is needle phobic and goes pale just talking about them! So it was up to me! During my nurse appointment and subsequent day that needles began the nurse demonstrated to me and talked me through the process. I had decided to <br />
schedule the needles in the morning so if I found that I really couldn't do them myself I could always go to the clinic to have a nurse do them for me. I can remember her telling me the Gonal F needle feels like a knife sliding into butter and when I did it I would have to agree! It really didn't hurt, although luveris was a much hardr needle to do and stung as well as the orgalutran. I just kept telling myself short term pain for long term gain and that I wouldn't be looking back and regretting it once I was holding our baby in my arms.<br />
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The day of egg pick up arrived and I was really sick with a heavy cold and was scared they wouldn't go ahead which would be a waste of a cycle and money down the drain. I also do not respond well to anaesthetic but the anaesthetist was amazing going over my previous reactions and what medications I had been given beforehand so she did everything she could to prevent this. My husband went off in one direction of the hospital to play his part and I went to my part of the hospital where I waited and chatted to other women waiting for their turn. I was quite surprised that all of the women there waiting looked relatively young, I know that IVF is often thought of being used for older women but it just demonstrated that infertility can affect anyone at any stage of their life, not matter how young or old or healthy or unhealthy they are!<br />
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I was taken in and met the doctor who would be doing my EPU and was put to sleep very quickly. When I woke up I was in recovery and in pain and out of it but awake enough to check my hand for how many little eggs they retrieved which was more than they had told us to expect. I was finding it difficult to breathe so had oxygen and fluids via an IV and more pain meds and was then moved to<br />
the sitting waiting area, where not long after I fainted (for those that know me they won't be surprised). This happened within seconds of my husband arriving and me holding up my hand grinning while telling him about me little eggs). The nurses got me into a wheelchair and back to the bed where I proceeded to faint again. A little more oxygen and talk of keeping me in overnight and I came good after being violently sick ridding my body of the pain meds that I reacted to. One of the scientists came and saw us and explained that my eggs looked good and what the next stage in the process would be. I was really disappointed knowing we wouldn't be able to do a fresh transfer 5 days later due to one of my hormones rising too quickly but I understood this was also to make sure no viable embryos were lost because of it.<br />
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A phone call the following day told us how many embryos were created through the in vitro <br />
fertilisation process which had all gone well so far. Our embryos were now going to be frozen.<br />
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My hormones are always all over the place so I had to do a medicated cycle for the Frozen Egg Transfer. I also had to wait almost two months which felt like years. Finally the time came for that cycle to start and I was taking medication that I had taken before for many times during ovulation induction cycles (letrozole). However for some unknown reason for the first time I had no response to it, the cycle looked like it was going to be cancelled. After speaking to my FS it was decided I would start doing injections again to try and get my body responding how it should. So again I started jabbing myself and finally it worked after a very long cycle and an ultrasound where my ovary was not seen till the last minute and it was time to trigger (with another needle at midnight). <br />
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Transfer was the following week, it was a quick process and was quite amazing seeing our embryo on the screen. I was sad to hear that some of the embryos had died off in the first 2 days of the thawing process but the one being transferred looked as good as they get and we were given an excellent chance of it sticking! Even with this information I was still very pessimistic and was talking to our FS about how soon we could transfer again if this cycle failed. I think when you have had so much disappointment ad delays during fertility treatment it is only natural to feel like this. The procedure was over before I knew it and we were back home again.<br />
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For those who know me, know I a man a serial tester when it comes to pregnancy tests. You are told the day that you are supposed to test with a home pregnancy test, however I cannot handle the suspense and would rather know early if I think worked or not. I had taken a trigger shot needle which is the HCG hormone so can give false positives. I tested that trigger out every day until it was gone, then after one full day of seeing no double lines, the next day was the faintest line. I didn't really believe it so of course I did about 4 other tests that same day with various brands of HPTD. This continued until the "official test day" where I already knew the answer! I was pregnant with our rainbow baby! This led to a mixture of feeling overjoyed and so grateful yet terrified at the same time as I knew very well that a positive pregnancy test unfortunately does not equal a live baby screaming in my arms 9 months later.<br />
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This journey didn't end here, but the IVF process seems so long ago. Now as I look back and reflect it was very difficult emotionally, as you feel like you have little control over anything (which for me is very difficult). People also have their own views on IVF and I had to ignore these and go ahead with what we felt was right for our family and in the end had such a peace about it.<br />
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A rainbow pregnancy (a term used in the babyloss community for a pregnancy after loss) is always going to be hard and full of emotions, however at the time I was completely unprepared of what was ahead in the coming weeks and months but nevertheless this is where our rainbows journey began and we are truly blessed and grateful to God for modern science and technology to help us complete our family.<br />
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A special thankyou to Dr Ashley Fong and the team at Westmead Fertility Clinic.<br />
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Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-57357490232966736352017-01-09T22:22:00.001+11:002017-01-09T22:22:16.321+11:00The grief of infertility on top of babylossLosing a baby can be soul destroying. Dealing and living with infertility on top of grief over the death of a very much wanted baby is something hard to describe. It is incredibly painful.<br />
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Bereaved parents don't set out to replace their baby that has died. They are well aware that no one could ever take the place of their loved one. However you are left with a burning hole that feels like it will never be filled and the truth is there will always be that hole, but perhaps that hole can be a little bit healed by the arrival of a sibling and not end on such a sad note. It was never the way it was supposed to be and I think our family will always be incomplete as Ava's absence is evident daily, but to bring some sort of completion to our family with the arrival of a healthy baby will hopefully bring some healing to all of us.<br />
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I have shared a bit on our infertility journey in previous posts, going through 17 rounds of assisted conception, 1 IVF cycle and 1 FET cycle over the past 9 years to complete our family. Without modern technology and medications it is highly likely that our family would consist of my husband and I and no children. I know to the outside world people probably assume we have had little problems forming our family where in actual fact we have had to fight for every single one of our children. The only naturally occuring pregnancy ended quickly with my first miscarriage in 2008 and that was just before starting fertility treatment. I also realise our journey has been much faster than many couples going through the maze of infertility and I am also blessed that I have always had very proactive doctors who were willing to treat me quickly with surgeries and medications and also try new treatments. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of the loss of a dream to form a family with children and it must come at a great loss to these families, so I do want to acknowledge the absolute blessings we have been blessed with when some families were desperate to just hold one baby.<br />
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We are never guaranteed anything in this life and many times I have wondered when do you say "enough is enough" and move on and sell all the baby things. I have been told by many people that maybe I should of taken losing Ava and then subsequent infertility as a sign that we shouldn't have anymore children - which is a very hurtful statement. If that were the case many, many families would never have children or make use of modern technology to assist in creating their families.<br />
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Was it worth going through all the tests, surgeries, pain, invasive ultrasounds and bloodtests where I now have blown veins from having blood taken so frequently over years that I now have permanent scarring on my arms? Was it worth the breakdowns just thinking about sticking needles into myself and swallowing pills that would turn me into a hormonal mess? Was it worth the disappointments that came month after month after month? Was it worth the money that felt like it was being tipped down a drain and being gambled month after month?<br />
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Yes. I had hope. I had more hope than fear that our family may be completed, maybe not the way that I had imagined, but I had HOPE.<br />
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Ella Georgia was worth it.<br />
Oliver Noah was worth it.<br />
Ava Grace was worth it.<br />
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This baby boy is already worth it.<br />
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WORTH EVERY TEAR<br />
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<br />Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-7411723396997798672017-01-09T21:47:00.000+11:002017-01-09T21:47:07.340+11:00It's been awhile since I have blogged...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's been awhile since I have blogged and I have some news. Our family is expecting a little boy to join our family in May of this year. It has been a long, hard, and at times a completely torturous road but I know it will be worth it when I am holding our baby in my arms in a few months time!</div>
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This was our announcement picture we used, of course I included Ava, how could I not? She is very much a part of our family.<br />
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20 week bump pic</div>
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I will be sharing some more of our journey of our "Rainbow Baby Pregnancy" (a term commonly used and identified with in the babyloss comunity) in coming blog posts.</div>
<br />Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-31279830540177941642016-10-13T17:47:00.001+11:002016-10-13T19:22:27.950+11:00Ava Grace making an impact in our local communityToday a bit about our Ava was shared in our local paper, The Penrith Press. Tomorrow I will be sharing Ava Grace's story and legacy at Nepean Hospitals Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Service.<br />
<a href="http://newslocal.newspaperdirect.com/epaper/iphone/homepage.aspx#_articleb53569b1-f5b4-4e6c-97d0-9669f9aa973b" target="_blank">http://newslocal.newspaperdirect.com/epaper/iphone/homepage.aspx#_articleb53569b1-f5b4-4e6c-97d0-9669f9aa973b</a><br />
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<a href="https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=674156152742303&id=456622537829000" target="_blank">https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=674156152742303&id=456622537829000</a><br />
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Sharing about Ava, breaking the silence around miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss are all things that come naturally to me now after living with this grief the past 19 months. However, it is also still incredibly painful. I hope I can keep it together tomorrow for both my talk and when my husband and I share a song that is very meaningful to me.<br />
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I am grateful to all my family and friends who have and continue to support me and our family and also to the wonderful, generous volunteers who continue to help Ava leave her legacy through Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small.<br />
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#breakthesilence<br />
#saytheirnames<br />
#miscarriagestillbirthinfantlossgeneticinduction<br />
#avagrace<a href="http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/newslocal/penrith-press/ceremony-to-remember-our-lost-babies/news-story/325cb0b494a0b6d92e8c0e6cce565aaa" target="_blank">http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/newslocal/penrith-press/ceremony-to-remember-our-lost-babies/news-story/325cb0b494a0b6d92e8c0e6cce565aaa</a></div>
Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-68090772334971973782016-09-10T21:28:00.001+10:002016-09-10T21:49:28.236+10:00Infertility after lossInfertility after loss - what sad, depressing words. Yet for many bereaved parents this is another painful part of their journey. <div><br></div><div>Why can some people seem to fall pregnant in an instant? How do people manage to fall pregnant in consecutive years? What's with having 4 under 4? 3 "surprise" pregnancies! Why did my baby die after everything we went through to have them? These are all statements and questions that women share on the journey. </div><div><br></div><div>I am fortunate that I have two healthy living children that I am eternally grateful to be able to hold in my arms and watch them grow. I also have three waiting for me in heaven, including Ava. </div><div><br></div><div>I have been told the words "I'm sorry there is no heartbeat, your baby stopped growing weeks ago", I have been shattered hearing that my fertility has been reduced even further due to damage caused by an ectopic pregnancy. I have held my tiny baby Ava Grace in my arms and then had to let her go. </div><div><br></div><div>I have also been on the path of infertility. </div><div><br></div><div>Infertility - It's another word alongside miscarriage/stillbirth/early induction that can at times provoke an uncomfortable silence but more often that not, well meaning but utterly devasting comments that hurt to the core.</div><div><br></div><div>Just relax </div><div>My husbands brothers cousins friend had to do IVF and they had triplets!</div><div>Go on a holiday, that worked for me!</div><div>You obviously aren't meant to have more children </div><div>Why would you want another, you already have a pigeon pair (well they forget about Ava) </div><div>More kids cost more, think yourself lucky </div><div>Quit while your ahead </div><div>Don't roll the dice </div><div>You might end up with another baby who has something wrong </div><div>What if you miscarry again</div><div>You know another baby won't replace her</div><div>Do you wish you didn't use a favourite name for her and saved it for another?</div><div>The older you get the more risks there are that your baby will have something wrong with it </div><div>The age gap will be way too big</div><div>Are you the only one in your family that has issues falling pregnant?</div><div>Doesn't your twin sister have 3 healthy children?</div><div>You'll have a spoilt child since you will have two kids at school and another at home </div><div>I didn't think you would want another after losing babies</div><div>I wouldn't try again if it happened to me </div><div>Can the medications your on (for infertility) cause your baby to have birth defects? Was the medication you took to fall with Ava the reason for her birth defects?</div><div><br></div><div>The list goes on and on and these are just some of the things people have said to me.</div><div><br></div><div>Some of it is well meaning and I know they say it because they don't know what to say but I can tell you now telling someone to relax and then it will happen is a ridiculous thing to say to someone who has both physical and hormonal reasons for infertility. </div><div><br></div><div>I have only ever had one natural conception where no intervention was needed and that was more than 8 years ago, so I think it's quite reasonable to assume that 8 years later that a naturally occurring pregnancy would have to be in the miracle category! </div><div><br></div><div>I have completed 17 rounds of ovulation induction which is a type of assisted conception using medication. I have done 1 full IVF cycle and 1 frozen embryo transfer. I have swallowed pills, I have given myself countless needles - at one point 3 a day, I have hundreds of blood tests to the point of now having blown veins and scars which are visible on my arms. I have endured multiple surgeries and invasive tests. I know way to much gynaecological and fertility language that only doctors and nurses should know. I understand hormone levels and what it all means. I know the disappointment of cancelled cycle after cancelled cycle and just wanting to have a chance! </div><div><br></div><div>I am incredibly grateful to modern medicine and living in a country where I have access to safe and affordable treatments. A few generations ago my story would have been very different. These days specialists can do wonderful things to manipulate hormones and bypass physical issues that may be working against you. </div><div><br></div><div>Infertility in itself is a lonely, soul destroying, joy crushing journey. Infertility after loss just adds another layer to your grief. I have come across way too many women who have conceived their miracle after years and years of infertility only to lose their baby in an instant. Every month that you aren't pregnant after loss just reminds you of what you have lost and who isn't here with you now. You live trying to reconcile with yourself just how much you wanted the baby who isn't here with you now, but also how desperate you are to be pregnant again and growing a life inside of you. You are fully aware that another baby is not at all a replacement. You just don't want your story to end the way that is has. Trying to conceive after loss is incredibly scary. You have to leave yourself open to possibly exposing yourself to incredible pain once again. You have to push the fear to the side to make way for a tiny speck of hope. You have to believe that through the pain and tears that it will be worth it because that's the only thing that picks you up to try again the next month. </div><div><br></div><div>After all, </div><div>Ella was worth it.</div><div>Oliver was worth it.</div><div>Ava was worth it. </div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Hopefully this journey we have walked the last few years will end with holding a living baby that gets to come home and use their siblings things that have been packed away for some time now. I hope my kids get to greet a sibling that will let out a cry, not one that is silent. There are sadly many families who are parents to children they can't hold. There are also many families who go through the loss of fertility and the dream of having the family they dreamed about. </span></div><div><br></div><div>This is just part of my story, it's not the start and it's not yet the end...</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgno9x_wir4VLtL0Iv62VaZR6g7nyNpE5tneSr_4ktpIkD3OkhYBEmn4r7eNlBAbq7h8nBhjSO6Ty2V0oTJFq1thf3tkyJNiFX09nA0YdukuWioocOEPaggTtFL1iOyEE4bFQj-SqF891g/s640/blogger-image-1759422533.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgno9x_wir4VLtL0Iv62VaZR6g7nyNpE5tneSr_4ktpIkD3OkhYBEmn4r7eNlBAbq7h8nBhjSO6Ty2V0oTJFq1thf3tkyJNiFX09nA0YdukuWioocOEPaggTtFL1iOyEE4bFQj-SqF891g/s640/blogger-image-1759422533.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div><img src="webkit-fake-url://1bb8dd50-9ed1-4698-bc70-02ab19948892/imagejpeg"></div>Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-60929723495557120462016-08-12T17:37:00.001+10:002016-08-12T17:37:57.461+10:00Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day advertisementFor all bereaved families in the local and wider community, you are invited to the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day ceremony held at Nepean Hospital on the 14th October 2016. If you are not in the Penrith area, many hospitals and support services also hold their own Remembrance Day services. I feel honoured to have been asked to speak and share about Ava and her legacy at this years event.<div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD93ybTkuwLqZhvNmR3gvxmI70fEyuxCFJqmsfePYgp5HS8v04bCutHG0oOn1mo-88j02t3FelHkpjjVlGNXZcJX3h3V87JEKtXqEMiykQolliQ5Z1tx-PwZ0a8dlB06C7s5diPrhYIqM/s640/blogger-image--930619942.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD93ybTkuwLqZhvNmR3gvxmI70fEyuxCFJqmsfePYgp5HS8v04bCutHG0oOn1mo-88j02t3FelHkpjjVlGNXZcJX3h3V87JEKtXqEMiykQolliQ5Z1tx-PwZ0a8dlB06C7s5diPrhYIqM/s640/blogger-image--930619942.jpg"></a></div></div>Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-2874553573106704472016-08-10T21:20:00.001+10:002016-08-10T21:20:01.781+10:00Seeds for Siblings<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">A couple of weeks ago I came across an article on social media about a small organisation helping bereaved siblings. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I was really instantly interested as it is not often to hear about support for siblings who have lost a brother or sister. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr87GGLRARK4gXW6ByoeD7b-vH1x-SBUwc13e2HC19HmpQ7iW6W4FciCLOZdEh7eiyVfrKqbSvO8EoK09-HS-dTibjgXdNZUNjKAm_XPAfu7hS5vp6FTW2iJP7ySSEgKRlWGcZmYDe2eg/s640/blogger-image--1033129521.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr87GGLRARK4gXW6ByoeD7b-vH1x-SBUwc13e2HC19HmpQ7iW6W4FciCLOZdEh7eiyVfrKqbSvO8EoK09-HS-dTibjgXdNZUNjKAm_XPAfu7hS5vp6FTW2iJP7ySSEgKRlWGcZmYDe2eg/s640/blogger-image--1033129521.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="text-align: start; clear: both;"><em style="text-align: center; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Seeds for Siblings provides children who have experienced the loss of a sibling during pregnancy or the days after birth with handmade fabric bags containing Sunflower Seeds. These seeds can then be planted in memory of their brother or sister." - seeds for siblings </em></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAoVSindVNqtsLRIBDr3Z1CxZnTFf3rT_xK19ul0KHWHGD8MGUyih3fdvIJRHuBscuFWye1Va-X3Rw0RAiq3ZEXIAKVD11eIudkfzZ6poF4amgCp0BYiX8HHQZV9Cjs_-ziJYsmdWclI4/s640/blogger-image--1748447121.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAoVSindVNqtsLRIBDr3Z1CxZnTFf3rT_xK19ul0KHWHGD8MGUyih3fdvIJRHuBscuFWye1Va-X3Rw0RAiq3ZEXIAKVD11eIudkfzZ6poF4amgCp0BYiX8HHQZV9Cjs_-ziJYsmdWclI4/s640/blogger-image--1748447121.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I love the little rock that came with the sunflower seeds. It will sit perfectly in our garden. Ava's name is handpainted on one side and a sunflower on the other side. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-cDEj9PTUzr0_GrtmkNWFND2JpAR2tIvdnZN2XyGVoAof2DxFuiHFw0bDDRhs3O65WbIdBHJtPsok3_ZDMzBLtgZhiulY7z9CwGpEWsgYAzT-GmaC2MZdzgToLTAUqTk7jZd3qND1bxI/s640/blogger-image--845273578.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-cDEj9PTUzr0_GrtmkNWFND2JpAR2tIvdnZN2XyGVoAof2DxFuiHFw0bDDRhs3O65WbIdBHJtPsok3_ZDMzBLtgZhiulY7z9CwGpEWsgYAzT-GmaC2MZdzgToLTAUqTk7jZd3qND1bxI/s640/blogger-image--845273578.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh4-HUliXZ2czyRAHdemSOCDy7MC-odhX57HX7uGlrTl-YyfVWUV5ZJIh5KYuqpwbx2fJ8tR3L-UaNsCLThfoizF5EE8pHWLV544jERUSvmiKVSeEOP1ofG18DIHu5XZ5QnyD1irQfQvg/s640/blogger-image-1891630340.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh4-HUliXZ2czyRAHdemSOCDy7MC-odhX57HX7uGlrTl-YyfVWUV5ZJIh5KYuqpwbx2fJ8tR3L-UaNsCLThfoizF5EE8pHWLV544jERUSvmiKVSeEOP1ofG18DIHu5XZ5QnyD1irQfQvg/s640/blogger-image-1891630340.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Our kids were excited to receive these and can't wait to plant and watch their sunflowers grow. What a sweet connection this will be to their little sister. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Thankyou Jamilla in what you have started to help beareaved families. You truly acknowledge the loss that these children feel. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/seedsforsiblings/">https://www.facebook.com/seedsforsiblings/</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">www.seedsforsiblings.com </div>Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-71717941479899571222016-07-03T21:03:00.001+10:002016-07-03T21:03:20.353+10:00Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small - Update July 2016I haven't blogged in quite awhile! However I have been very busy here at Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small Headquarters the past few months. <div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCck-vO2WyLBVcjgsQVSJGxjGtQrOegB3zaexfgJCPkEso_ea4Ysn6UOHmZP61QNdQDCnyPzz0nYp35MAGT1iGIf32AlHa8rQd47IeYEgNvtQIYSdcvYCl_gwnyIMZtVFAg-hberKTFFw/s640/blogger-image--1170496118.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCck-vO2WyLBVcjgsQVSJGxjGtQrOegB3zaexfgJCPkEso_ea4Ysn6UOHmZP61QNdQDCnyPzz0nYp35MAGT1iGIf32AlHa8rQd47IeYEgNvtQIYSdcvYCl_gwnyIMZtVFAg-hberKTFFw/s640/blogger-image--1170496118.jpg"></a></div><br><div><br></div><div>The volunteer group that I began more than a year ago has grown considerably. We have lots of new members who are contributing gorgeous items for the precious babies that we do this for. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxWGpFl2A5Y0wlmIH_HhTuXM-O7UlkTGF55v-poEbpvFZEOd_h5msq2rZx1C-S8XusrsmLhY3B0-9ZU-Y5Dj6OgV170U0B4ID7HZHknubOi5OGXsfQw_pPxwOs77YtsIMfKlAGyeSELwA/s640/blogger-image-1521478238.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxWGpFl2A5Y0wlmIH_HhTuXM-O7UlkTGF55v-poEbpvFZEOd_h5msq2rZx1C-S8XusrsmLhY3B0-9ZU-Y5Dj6OgV170U0B4ID7HZHknubOi5OGXsfQw_pPxwOs77YtsIMfKlAGyeSELwA/s640/blogger-image-1521478238.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>I am proud to say we are able to deliver baby items from the tiniest of babies that can be held (approximately 14 weeks) right up to 42 week, full term stillborn babies. We have also delivered items to seriously ill and premature babies in Neonatal Intensive Care Units. </div><div>I have sent tiny miscarriage packages to families too so that they have something tangible to hold as quite often these families are left with nothing except perhaps an ultrasound picture. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUSRDUJXFgf_1Dn6PAhnXP_kz2rlK5CXMC8qKcONZh0E50Yg_xh7fptXEOrLaaGv1mTE6sHpTMHq0pcdcafPG3sfRsCs_sL0mgaYI4AfqS7irJSHZdQ8J7CvrU6ZAEjmOhkMIowVsfYDA/s640/blogger-image--838181924.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUSRDUJXFgf_1Dn6PAhnXP_kz2rlK5CXMC8qKcONZh0E50Yg_xh7fptXEOrLaaGv1mTE6sHpTMHq0pcdcafPG3sfRsCs_sL0mgaYI4AfqS7irJSHZdQ8J7CvrU6ZAEjmOhkMIowVsfYDA/s640/blogger-image--838181924.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>The hospital's we have donated to: </div><div>Nepean Public Hospital NSW</div><div>Nepean Private Hospital NSW</div><div>Westmead Public Hospital NSW </div><div>Royal Darwin Hospital NT</div><div>Women's and Children's Hospital SA </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqOikceldFuOzrmFexO0D4PukewQeOyuCBhBbR4oeyKtUDmxK6WGGTGAtZ9hxsGPFdMOg0DoYWdmdtbae_4Qh7NsD6Id_KaxOlg4qYiqvxCLrWCHVle48r771ItlxjRs65e65_TTcYx8M/s640/blogger-image--1976855848.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqOikceldFuOzrmFexO0D4PukewQeOyuCBhBbR4oeyKtUDmxK6WGGTGAtZ9hxsGPFdMOg0DoYWdmdtbae_4Qh7NsD6Id_KaxOlg4qYiqvxCLrWCHVle48r771ItlxjRs65e65_TTcYx8M/s640/blogger-image--1976855848.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>We have also sent items to SANDS QLD and directly to families who have requested packages. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghMcn81_40azwtq8j8eXvlezBQzJkihP4hcTfNhUo4bxeek-vJld00t_VleWwMaqM5NMqDlrXq0Hc67ZzDBApLWFnn9aQAborHSBRHcv90Hb-S2DUXztbh1GM3F66FRtjgisRhO4kotWE/s640/blogger-image--1269619798.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghMcn81_40azwtq8j8eXvlezBQzJkihP4hcTfNhUo4bxeek-vJld00t_VleWwMaqM5NMqDlrXq0Hc67ZzDBApLWFnn9aQAborHSBRHcv90Hb-S2DUXztbh1GM3F66FRtjgisRhO4kotWE/s640/blogger-image--1269619798.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>We, as a collective group have donated well over a thousand items, possibly more. As the group has grown I have had to change how I keep track of everything so have made some recent changes to help with the administration side of things. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhL_Vkg0BW9kZ4SnVdlRdjfJB3Al9IJkbHa8NR32oqpTYyCGdotb4Poz1l-j43HAJw7pib34mfpezP5HsY9owKp4BtzbT8VISJMum8FoKtZsZ3QdKOXBinQSS2m3Mh9gITLR5Wm6zV9tIM/s640/blogger-image--133492163.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhL_Vkg0BW9kZ4SnVdlRdjfJB3Al9IJkbHa8NR32oqpTYyCGdotb4Poz1l-j43HAJw7pib34mfpezP5HsY9owKp4BtzbT8VISJMum8FoKtZsZ3QdKOXBinQSS2m3Mh9gITLR5Wm6zV9tIM/s640/blogger-image--133492163.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>We are donating:</div><div>Blankets</div><div>Quilts </div><div>Teddies </div><div>Gowns</div><div>Dresses</div><div>Pants</div><div>Cardigans </div><div>Beanies</div><div>Bonnets</div><div>Booties </div><div>Overalls </div><div>Angel pouches</div><div>Sleeping bags </div><div>Pillows</div><div>Jewellery </div><div>Headbands </div><div>Nappies </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIyrEOI5P9DoFcsX3TyCiD_e8WFbIdAt0QlUVMWEaMXY5njfF6wun0AXq4YTLOt3b_-ttKatkv0Onmyw9qT9cp9jRvTdg8EdHXA9UFoIKPWQ_dKfd3714mYHyg783Nt5ptMay3PF6d3U8/s640/blogger-image-599961389.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIyrEOI5P9DoFcsX3TyCiD_e8WFbIdAt0QlUVMWEaMXY5njfF6wun0AXq4YTLOt3b_-ttKatkv0Onmyw9qT9cp9jRvTdg8EdHXA9UFoIKPWQ_dKfd3714mYHyg783Nt5ptMay3PF6d3U8/s640/blogger-image-599961389.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>What is the most asked about item when talking to bereaved parents? You may be surprised! It is nappies. So many parents have said they wish their baby had a nappy to wear and what dignity and worth that simple item would bring to their baby. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSJP66GcDk7bNxvSElS1MqzVjHcG1vTrFKedA89v4pOv_Aw7Uv0Y5z7d8esR9pZy1AXIT9K2k-cHD7-M0gPUFuUUJzKYqRsxVhD5YSCDKUsfevUmG_Csl3aJco4n0fpchbk1rp4Ed_S0Y/s640/blogger-image-1932045438.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSJP66GcDk7bNxvSElS1MqzVjHcG1vTrFKedA89v4pOv_Aw7Uv0Y5z7d8esR9pZy1AXIT9K2k-cHD7-M0gPUFuUUJzKYqRsxVhD5YSCDKUsfevUmG_Csl3aJco4n0fpchbk1rp4Ed_S0Y/s640/blogger-image-1932045438.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>We have recently had an influx of donated Weddinf Dresses lately and these are being transformed into te most amazing Angel Gowns and Wraps. These are so special and I don't take for granted the sacrifice of these women giving up their dresses for this cause that is so important. Each dress/gown is very unique and something families will treasure.</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMN2mdt3JyvyylXny2EQgZa7jJhNJkTqzzn-hGvEo5GPra_xDJz2vPuscwvgE0uw3Tc2N70JBtGTqUzGrn6DVewsmbAn_OevjsuECApGyge7svE5wLq0REpALXWCDIU9AR4Uz4t5IVLNM/s640/blogger-image--506936773.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMN2mdt3JyvyylXny2EQgZa7jJhNJkTqzzn-hGvEo5GPra_xDJz2vPuscwvgE0uw3Tc2N70JBtGTqUzGrn6DVewsmbAn_OevjsuECApGyge7svE5wLq0REpALXWCDIU9AR4Uz4t5IVLNM/s640/blogger-image--506936773.jpg"></a></div>Donated in memory of Elijah Clune</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvW29LCy3ia6ZTPCWbDjEAo75tDNrdD-hfi5Ej-0XUoUj5jk2AVzvVlrlu2f7Av7CDLmtNvDMOV5bq59yPldwhTl7jyDln9hHeG5zqX1WltN-lpI0hoaN103xYcvvPUli95sAAzK8AYcw/s640/blogger-image-356621466.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvW29LCy3ia6ZTPCWbDjEAo75tDNrdD-hfi5Ej-0XUoUj5jk2AVzvVlrlu2f7Av7CDLmtNvDMOV5bq59yPldwhTl7jyDln9hHeG5zqX1WltN-lpI0hoaN103xYcvvPUli95sAAzK8AYcw/s640/blogger-image-356621466.jpg"></a></div></div><div><br></div><div>Generous people have donated fabric, yarn, ribbon, cards and much more which is put to good use! <div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQkYUS1VhyphenhyphenDmGeV8rb18DcKLHMCItKkNmlp_NIjXeRHaSWaGGfTa2QY-FJ3uRSauAnVPCfI49cnFsGHP4TO4b_66GDYRsj9q-KWEKFBjn5S_IjPiT-KOzAsIGFUmf0vuuteNxVNAVV614/s640/blogger-image-2538050.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQkYUS1VhyphenhyphenDmGeV8rb18DcKLHMCItKkNmlp_NIjXeRHaSWaGGfTa2QY-FJ3uRSauAnVPCfI49cnFsGHP4TO4b_66GDYRsj9q-KWEKFBjn5S_IjPiT-KOzAsIGFUmf0vuuteNxVNAVV614/s640/blogger-image-2538050.jpg"></a></div></div><div><br></div><div>We have volunteers from all around Australia who are busy creating items from patterns, modifying patterns to fit the tiny bubs and even writing their own patterns! </div><div><br></div><div>I am kept busy photographing and packaging each item and then organising donations. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYa3mBd6UKBvi8Ls0pf9B21aO1pfshTGbJQtLEnEXolEt_Rm8CM7krxEALTUHWaAHskL0o0i0tR7Rj8KJkMZ8HMIN4GvoPckbhSChpsF2uzlbmtfURmGbE0hUmUjTe_M0oehyphenhyphen2cCE_Yyg/s640/blogger-image--2102086036.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYa3mBd6UKBvi8Ls0pf9B21aO1pfshTGbJQtLEnEXolEt_Rm8CM7krxEALTUHWaAHskL0o0i0tR7Rj8KJkMZ8HMIN4GvoPckbhSChpsF2uzlbmtfURmGbE0hUmUjTe_M0oehyphenhyphen2cCE_Yyg/s640/blogger-image--2102086036.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>We have met socially for dinner and afternoon tea and now meet once a month on a the third Sunday of every month, at a fantastic shop called "Sew Can I". The owner of the shop Karen has been so generous offering it to us as both a meeting point and use of her facilities as well as a drop off point for donations. I am very thankful to her. Thankyou to Susanne for doing so much of the organising of these meet ups for the group. I really appreciate it and the drive you use to grow the group! </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5vD1ac23ze6ADxeHAg6yVimDNqt9Fp8GNsTH3ZOiMfbc_3_CWu5iWD6R-iM4aCCX_U1jSXStc-idlAIC7ZmXdUTyU71uxEZ3v3jytURGPOJH4gz9voxp2wDR7CkHZKZa3c5f8nHRSm8k/s640/blogger-image--1970333313.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5vD1ac23ze6ADxeHAg6yVimDNqt9Fp8GNsTH3ZOiMfbc_3_CWu5iWD6R-iM4aCCX_U1jSXStc-idlAIC7ZmXdUTyU71uxEZ3v3jytURGPOJH4gz9voxp2wDR7CkHZKZa3c5f8nHRSm8k/s640/blogger-image--1970333313.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>I have been contacted by a few families who have received our packages and they have been thankful to have something beautiful to dress and wrap their baby in. I love to hear their baby's name and have seen some amazing photos that show how lovely these items look. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsUq54XiWo10fLYKBXAmYylq76jl6HxjClGh2cV1A3Rt3n8LbBYB7o2MQFC74wCRNVY7W_1SJrv0LR00Y9WSTOReobxgZ6xpIQytwD03JxxxPZsooH69xXvXr5MriYEJctoVNnrxkEXH8/s640/blogger-image-243312583.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsUq54XiWo10fLYKBXAmYylq76jl6HxjClGh2cV1A3Rt3n8LbBYB7o2MQFC74wCRNVY7W_1SJrv0LR00Y9WSTOReobxgZ6xpIQytwD03JxxxPZsooH69xXvXr5MriYEJctoVNnrxkEXH8/s640/blogger-image-243312583.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>If you are interested in joining our volunteer group please send me an email at avagracenfts@gmail.com or join our FB volunteer page via this link </div><div><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/1692090737678771/">https://www.facebook.com/groups/1692090737678771/</a> this FB page is a closed group where volunteers post photos, share patterns, ask questions and also where we advertise social gatherings. We would love you to have a look at what we are doing. </div><div><br></div><div>I also have a public FB page called Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small. I post my blog posts, articles and pictures of volunteer creations on this page. This is the link if you would like to follow <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Ava-Grace-No-Footprint-Too-Small-456622537829000/" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">https://www.facebook.com/Ava-Grace-No-Footprint-Too-Small-456622537829000/</a></div><div><br></div><div>If you would like to contact me I have a new email address avagracenfts@gmail.com</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT68cOAvLaJIISRmgHtAImyElSzxzNs2kmVfHwz65-IVydOKnJbce5j2bE90s87jWg8-NVx_GIJ9dS2FimCvjlE2_aJwpcla6acZN0BnVr_kBmwdAV00CMWV7OQvmA6g3h5YI6HM8xHho/s640/blogger-image-1425755815.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT68cOAvLaJIISRmgHtAImyElSzxzNs2kmVfHwz65-IVydOKnJbce5j2bE90s87jWg8-NVx_GIJ9dS2FimCvjlE2_aJwpcla6acZN0BnVr_kBmwdAV00CMWV7OQvmA6g3h5YI6HM8xHho/s640/blogger-image-1425755815.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Looking forward to seeing where we are in another years time and seeing how far Ava's legacy reaches. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizgOKOOIuKPTwu6G8EvkWSAez5C7f-INNnlZb263PWU9Hmzda10UoBY5V32j0VtVDifWqm7QPGNUvyYvmfNdCUqLxA-fXtFg1evu2umESrEndtQq6u16RChm878hiw-Fhp4P30QAfmdlY/s640/blogger-image-1497778297.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizgOKOOIuKPTwu6G8EvkWSAez5C7f-INNnlZb263PWU9Hmzda10UoBY5V32j0VtVDifWqm7QPGNUvyYvmfNdCUqLxA-fXtFg1evu2umESrEndtQq6u16RChm878hiw-Fhp4P30QAfmdlY/s640/blogger-image-1497778297.jpg"></a></div>14-20 weekers donation </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqF7R_83UZxGmo4JUMh3yk_wBxLHIl08i8e3Nso1zzATXNkegTzxIUOnV80vH44xjsA03bWzTgCYH8ZdQU3-apF1dxukyaJZsDK2FH3sCom9_eXAtoNx5Ew1N00rWOCNM7hVNMiPvvCqQ/s640/blogger-image-858229825.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqF7R_83UZxGmo4JUMh3yk_wBxLHIl08i8e3Nso1zzATXNkegTzxIUOnV80vH44xjsA03bWzTgCYH8ZdQU3-apF1dxukyaJZsDK2FH3sCom9_eXAtoNx5Ew1N00rWOCNM7hVNMiPvvCqQ/s640/blogger-image-858229825.jpg"></a></div>Sleeping bags/angel pouch </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK5u77zPd8-v-UxaHsgln_LwnktUs62OerRN2mD31XowzcXiJ5m6S1ft66jJu3artqQ9taJuhLfJFmfljXjQJowWhx-AZH7SUpacLyKmH95AbwkivDQFh9hyphenhyphendN0FLNPpr6_8KUYnGxHWU/s640/blogger-image-681091865.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK5u77zPd8-v-UxaHsgln_LwnktUs62OerRN2mD31XowzcXiJ5m6S1ft66jJu3artqQ9taJuhLfJFmfljXjQJowWhx-AZH7SUpacLyKmH95AbwkivDQFh9hyphenhyphendN0FLNPpr6_8KUYnGxHWU/s640/blogger-image-681091865.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcSJ9soI077nNfCu7KgLua4tnUDyBRtvslJLRxvLRFbe6wmsg7MT4XptniJdQPV4VpOlOZj1z3rC2Km76pkU85b0kGKYfIX_1b2Q8ieBUu8SjDvVCx9rwUsordhWTTq5MUeYOzqJxrvuc/s640/blogger-image-2000466602.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcSJ9soI077nNfCu7KgLua4tnUDyBRtvslJLRxvLRFbe6wmsg7MT4XptniJdQPV4VpOlOZj1z3rC2Km76pkU85b0kGKYfIX_1b2Q8ieBUu8SjDvVCx9rwUsordhWTTq5MUeYOzqJxrvuc/s640/blogger-image-2000466602.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihasoJ3qaZY2KE76DfiwNh82cQOHQ-iUAYqKqS1xq3S1-Bt8XAs56WNPS659vhCxHK45Cek7dZcWqrlPYl7tWHZi1EkzRUk-WkcYTuvCInjt1XVzWOSztoEVXOri2jU4JOmh3HrdLofvA/s640/blogger-image--414553823.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihasoJ3qaZY2KE76DfiwNh82cQOHQ-iUAYqKqS1xq3S1-Bt8XAs56WNPS659vhCxHK45Cek7dZcWqrlPYl7tWHZi1EkzRUk-WkcYTuvCInjt1XVzWOSztoEVXOri2jU4JOmh3HrdLofvA/s640/blogger-image--414553823.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRxFc89zG4L22dEtW0LLMsZEPWTIpnkdDZH1KjmboqOGMGysHTK15aZwu89fZ-gHzQIE1-CDnQs8gyiNe1Ap9LMPxhe4EMXrSgakQ5402DEOZ-FXrmWTwofemar5QO7tqit2HbzMx59Ik/s640/blogger-image--2014898182.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRxFc89zG4L22dEtW0LLMsZEPWTIpnkdDZH1KjmboqOGMGysHTK15aZwu89fZ-gHzQIE1-CDnQs8gyiNe1Ap9LMPxhe4EMXrSgakQ5402DEOZ-FXrmWTwofemar5QO7tqit2HbzMx59Ik/s640/blogger-image--2014898182.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMQwI9zSqrX4v6WUrJNbYl4js4YRLaI6nqblIxupMrCJ93a3OYW66KtU2ciELXo63kpNgx3G-o8UobbvQfHNPjUnmcjCjITztXev_aOsL9dQw8KPh0a5g5Bi-XThdL5Y-v66IrnN2gzNo/s640/blogger-image--762770697.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMQwI9zSqrX4v6WUrJNbYl4js4YRLaI6nqblIxupMrCJ93a3OYW66KtU2ciELXo63kpNgx3G-o8UobbvQfHNPjUnmcjCjITztXev_aOsL9dQw8KPh0a5g5Bi-XThdL5Y-v66IrnN2gzNo/s640/blogger-image--762770697.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkiHLAsgKDbsmmYxEOgMKI8tyLpbyeix3-FoZRY5Fp5rckiwFWS_mmse47RtDcbtbGId8xn-8CkJIR3eRu0gvvfJeHJe0QCk5ToOvUmcii7N_-2gtn1O0HVhWL92Ze-iMe2P6VrBmIaZc/s640/blogger-image-398216588.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkiHLAsgKDbsmmYxEOgMKI8tyLpbyeix3-FoZRY5Fp5rckiwFWS_mmse47RtDcbtbGId8xn-8CkJIR3eRu0gvvfJeHJe0QCk5ToOvUmcii7N_-2gtn1O0HVhWL92Ze-iMe2P6VrBmIaZc/s640/blogger-image-398216588.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5cKdoMTLa-UFPcS-9K2_ahG7aXB_3tROuD9TcKJkhVBLkW6fvbRUs1LlFM1KgsKnvANzdq9jMZj7iA-qUYde_TGvGpsCiadtldBIIhsvJLSRzSkCwZDAH1Yl1GkYIiWV_egzGbXeg5B4/s640/blogger-image-802833330.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5cKdoMTLa-UFPcS-9K2_ahG7aXB_3tROuD9TcKJkhVBLkW6fvbRUs1LlFM1KgsKnvANzdq9jMZj7iA-qUYde_TGvGpsCiadtldBIIhsvJLSRzSkCwZDAH1Yl1GkYIiWV_egzGbXeg5B4/s640/blogger-image-802833330.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div></div>Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-90842868790936867772016-05-13T12:36:00.001+10:002016-05-13T12:36:07.303+10:00Comfort for the Tears, Light for the Way Book <span style="background-color: white; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">I wanted to share a book that Ava's story is going to feature in. I also wanted to thank the author (Melissa) for bringing awareness and sharing our babies stories.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Melissa Desveaux (Author) is putting this book together and is fundraising to help publish the book which is currently at the editing stage. Below is what she shares on the fundraising page:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"><span style="color: #404041; font-family: Arial;"><a href="https://www.mycause.com.au/page/125019/comfort-for-the-tears-light-for-the-way">https://www.mycause.com.au/page/125019/comfort-for-the-tears-light-for-the-way</a></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"><span style="color: #404041; font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Comfort for the Tears, Light for the Way is a collection of memoirs written by those who have suffered the devastating loss of a child, before, during or after birth.</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; outline: 0px;" /><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; outline: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">These families share their courageous pregnancy journeys through miscarriage, stillbirth, IVF, and premature births.</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; outline: 0px;" /><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; outline: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Powerfully evocative, Comfort for the Tears, Light for the Way is a collective memoir of grief – and hope.</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; outline: 0px;" /><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; outline: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">I am fundraising so this book can be published with the love and care it needs. This is a not for profit project and with any donated funds, I will ensure this book is edited, published and distributed as best as I can.</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; outline: 0px;" /><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; outline: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Any one donation over $25.00AU will receive a copy once it is published. </span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; outline: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">All other donations will be used for fees such as publishing and distribution. </span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; outline: 0px;" /><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; outline: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #404041; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Please help us bring this book to life and on bookshelves all around the world and bring awareness not only to pregnancy and infant loss but to those who have endured heartache trying to conceive a child.</span>Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-57849150341286577982016-04-21T22:32:00.001+10:002016-04-22T07:57:06.874+10:00Donation day - Nepean Hospital 16.3.16<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_2UWmimrxMQVCN_9TWx1xhrhfDfWEYZMNC_lRZuOmyhgcYWyzFvLPsVRi0KOlB2FfEdZ6pwhWJBnSUjOebmvl2Y8OG2KgomwGE8L2inW8xTEc4PinIIK0d0JPAtdm_A1jvxm8VVLIN70/s640/blogger-image--614772644.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_2UWmimrxMQVCN_9TWx1xhrhfDfWEYZMNC_lRZuOmyhgcYWyzFvLPsVRi0KOlB2FfEdZ6pwhWJBnSUjOebmvl2Y8OG2KgomwGE8L2inW8xTEc4PinIIK0d0JPAtdm_A1jvxm8VVLIN70/s640/blogger-image--614772644.jpg"></div></div></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>I was planning on making another donation of tiny baby things to my local hospital and as it drew nearer to Ava's due date I knew this would be the day. I could sit at home bawling my eyes out or I could do something that meant something on a day that meant so much to me. <div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIY444fhJRlIeuQ3mog-stfeODmCJks_dlsYRsTclhKLfg-Qp6J0F0oCDh4-UxHC7bidIfLb3tDDsrTIArcwcCpBCNudWFuVNcYLS8s2WvXDc2F3hy3ryh6I4isAEiKQSDCbFK-jUbcoE/s640/blogger-image-1624789810.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIY444fhJRlIeuQ3mog-stfeODmCJks_dlsYRsTclhKLfg-Qp6J0F0oCDh4-UxHC7bidIfLb3tDDsrTIArcwcCpBCNudWFuVNcYLS8s2WvXDc2F3hy3ryh6I4isAEiKQSDCbFK-jUbcoE/s640/blogger-image-1624789810.jpg"></a></div><br><div><br></div><div>I had my friend Natasha who is the mother of one of Ava's friends in heaven Elijah offer to come with me on the day. She brought her son and I had Oliver with me too - our two little helpers! I had other friends help me make some treats to take to the hospital for a morning tea I wanted to provide for the midwives as a thankyou for all that they did for me a year ago and everything they continue to do for bereaved families. Another one of Ava's friends in heaven is Levi. His mum Natasha made and decorated some beautiful cakes. Jeanette and Jo also made some delicious deserts too. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBy3ix230OY24clp0gxftH_9jzf7UH9n04NhNBgrxHrhb2hlBYUHG573YIjrFH06_BM4gBjT5YP8SehzgTvdKNqkVN6JynNRdfqG0FZBHU0ETkdTG6Y0q4-_nU5ZrunCd4m44dgWfuWec/s640/blogger-image-260931070.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBy3ix230OY24clp0gxftH_9jzf7UH9n04NhNBgrxHrhb2hlBYUHG573YIjrFH06_BM4gBjT5YP8SehzgTvdKNqkVN6JynNRdfqG0FZBHU0ETkdTG6Y0q4-_nU5ZrunCd4m44dgWfuWec/s640/blogger-image-260931070.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>We arrived at the hospital and were greeted by the wonderful staff of The antenatal ward - a ward that had some extremely unpleasant and traumatic memories for my family but it is also a kind of sacred place because that is where we met Ava for the first time, that's where we shared out only night as her parents with our baby in the same room as us. That's the place that we said hello and goodbye. </div><div><br></div><div>When we left the ward a year ago I could not have told you what it looked like as the only place I was looking when we entered and when we left was the floor - I couldn't bear the thought of looking up and seeing happily pregnant women (even though I could hear CTGs and families visiting their pregnant friends/partners). </div><div><br></div><div>One year later I looked straight at the door to the room that Ava was born in right next to the nurses station. The door where the butterfly tag was stuck on the door so that all hospital staff knew what type of family were in there. Family's who had their lives shattered with devastating words, devastating diagnosis', devastating medical reports. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg08tmZJ-ZaR464NrP1AB_tcCDnUPX2mXuwTsSeGdgMEKnZLtsdAlOMHcTSvGGDNn2YGD1RH5sSnMNkWJEtiUkymdk5v6KIR-dDJr-Jmxoq9-FavVG_DaDQn8yihwWIyBdBnbbtIEgI0Pk/s640/blogger-image--1307019147.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg08tmZJ-ZaR464NrP1AB_tcCDnUPX2mXuwTsSeGdgMEKnZLtsdAlOMHcTSvGGDNn2YGD1RH5sSnMNkWJEtiUkymdk5v6KIR-dDJr-Jmxoq9-FavVG_DaDQn8yihwWIyBdBnbbtIEgI0Pk/s640/blogger-image--1307019147.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>We sat down in the staffroom and chatted to the midwives while we ate morning tea. It was lovely having them say Ava's name. There was no pretending she never existed as so often occurs, these midwives and nurses know very well these babies have existed and honour them by talking about them to their parents. We were asked if there were things that they could improve on in the care the provide to women delivering tiny stillborn babies and I got to share Ava's story and about the wonderful, selfless work that so many volunteers are doing for Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5QeQQZvCw-oOj4gDYrH55Q_9njfm3UijH03vBYHefLULXddNO5wxSesJvk2dp4j1G7ceJwT28EWMmWMEceWFe8Rmf39biqfD4hAckxcBzmT8kyi5XIeiK-tHRDkGgHruk_7wp4DuweQM/s640/blogger-image-248438770.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5QeQQZvCw-oOj4gDYrH55Q_9njfm3UijH03vBYHefLULXddNO5wxSesJvk2dp4j1G7ceJwT28EWMmWMEceWFe8Rmf39biqfD4hAckxcBzmT8kyi5XIeiK-tHRDkGgHruk_7wp4DuweQM/s640/blogger-image-248438770.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>I want to thank every single volunteer who has joined us the past year. Your support has meant so much to me and I know just how much every parent who receives your hats, nappies, blankets, gowns, angel pouches and clothes appreciates what you have provided. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoumar0kj9CEJWinocypygylh4lKq-2w6wPAJPza2oPmbxzU-zadHEX9ntJ3fErI6sFMseODbVt0_O59p7WLZ7y3tq1CPiU20B3Cb5F2TlSkG58SR2cVvqtIQ9gKIYCJvBCyvNnUYzBT8/s640/blogger-image--1218938162.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoumar0kj9CEJWinocypygylh4lKq-2w6wPAJPza2oPmbxzU-zadHEX9ntJ3fErI6sFMseODbVt0_O59p7WLZ7y3tq1CPiU20B3Cb5F2TlSkG58SR2cVvqtIQ9gKIYCJvBCyvNnUYzBT8/s640/blogger-image--1218938162.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Having something that fits your baby, that you can look back on in photographs and hold their things and remember their size and what they looked like is so important. The things we received for Ava are some of my most precious possessions. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8Ysi4nYJ-HokvbU7hSeeq3ozWUUm9Vv1D2UzFA9W_9wCbkqe_plvZzt-iOtb7r_LV9SmhaJpEjeIPUdat0ffiQvdYKFKgr3k-tKHvFn6PnW_esuwXzyh-mmFa4TECTwcjrAHMqNhcT5o/s640/blogger-image-1200659730.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8Ysi4nYJ-HokvbU7hSeeq3ozWUUm9Vv1D2UzFA9W_9wCbkqe_plvZzt-iOtb7r_LV9SmhaJpEjeIPUdat0ffiQvdYKFKgr3k-tKHvFn6PnW_esuwXzyh-mmFa4TECTwcjrAHMqNhcT5o/s640/blogger-image-1200659730.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>You cannot ignore a baby when you see the blood that stains their clothes, you cant not imagine the baby that was wrapped in the blanket a grandmother knitted. You can't imagine the dignity a family feels when they see their baby dressed in their nappy. A mother can't forget the smell of their baby when they open their memory box and they pull their babies things out to reminisce. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmCxNlRHI4vBfy_V3iu_5hMPJCUaCjeBx5dpvDyWu_zzD-Qk0VbxWI0NDWs2Q7zZfh4SKhuv_WTuJ0h9_4pKCemy_na0lCta06V-KG71OYXwCK7xjz8DeD9yU7Bpfv5YdkPhAZwR2S6YE/s640/blogger-image-612474294.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmCxNlRHI4vBfy_V3iu_5hMPJCUaCjeBx5dpvDyWu_zzD-Qk0VbxWI0NDWs2Q7zZfh4SKhuv_WTuJ0h9_4pKCemy_na0lCta06V-KG71OYXwCK7xjz8DeD9yU7Bpfv5YdkPhAZwR2S6YE/s640/blogger-image-612474294.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Over the past year if you put together all the hats, nappies, blankets and clothes that have been handmade and donated to Nepean Public Hospital along with the two pages of personal donations that I have posted to families on request, it has been thousands of tiny baby things that have touched babies and their families. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibXAOad5AfMHXtYQiHTL_tSBwq01imRvyigmgJ7-8LfIO8YaXBy0dkLBZgV3bWbEceGF0yzJRx8ObnDp_VgnFe76Tiwng_10glUoUX4Gjt5ABV6HPN62ONYjz6IBfUg8kSfwTid1sTwX0/s640/blogger-image--2143838170.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibXAOad5AfMHXtYQiHTL_tSBwq01imRvyigmgJ7-8LfIO8YaXBy0dkLBZgV3bWbEceGF0yzJRx8ObnDp_VgnFe76Tiwng_10glUoUX4Gjt5ABV6HPN62ONYjz6IBfUg8kSfwTid1sTwX0/s640/blogger-image--2143838170.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Starting Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small soon after Ava died was something that kept my mind busy on something positive when it felt like my world was falling apart. It helped me realise how many people actually do acknowledge these babies lives and how much they matter. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEYdu_OHGrUNaiRvESW0SSK5pDbGeAM6abVkNn_NoRSu4ptuS3qWNDiyx70uJlFLXXO-V-S99Ms6-_oyIpK6j2XzGFUoUIC_1g50sdbY1102IvVn1fcEtU1pLx_7xomqkrcT5_l-1yDOI/s640/blogger-image--148751224.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEYdu_OHGrUNaiRvESW0SSK5pDbGeAM6abVkNn_NoRSu4ptuS3qWNDiyx70uJlFLXXO-V-S99Ms6-_oyIpK6j2XzGFUoUIC_1g50sdbY1102IvVn1fcEtU1pLx_7xomqkrcT5_l-1yDOI/s640/blogger-image--148751224.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>When our babies are gone and we don't have them to hold anymore, having keepsakes from the hours we spend with them become incredibly special. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidoFqG6AnAMg1u_mNf0Zilpqq0iaRbbWSREpY9sGGpCEZgaiLN-RNta2wDBplSIBM4I9FG0rgP2Tc1vvPsByHzWhFyAuCv5X_YDLwvK_K4WXrrfh6qkyoIYlR2LOGjIa694uO2pFPceY8/s640/blogger-image-1130953698.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidoFqG6AnAMg1u_mNf0Zilpqq0iaRbbWSREpY9sGGpCEZgaiLN-RNta2wDBplSIBM4I9FG0rgP2Tc1vvPsByHzWhFyAuCv5X_YDLwvK_K4WXrrfh6qkyoIYlR2LOGjIa694uO2pFPceY8/s640/blogger-image-1130953698.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Thankyou for everyone's support. If you would like to join us through sewing, knitting or crochet then please contact myself at avagracenfts@gmail.com if you can support the volunteers by donating wool or fabric or just by tracing and cutting out nappy patterns on fabric I would love to hear from you! </div><div>Please come and join our volunteer Facebook Page. <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/1692090737678771/" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">https://www.facebook.com/groups/1692090737678771/</a></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH6VVK-0oDZR0M0ynPiXxe6KAIsW-kcVasUWvySvhUl81mOjoo1zEtbtfNZWRzbCQwULzUvcMSEPfUmK6Xyjq-2cuHQQlktEDmKCd-YSx87yZVUpwfgLh_YSiRTrY9y80NSPw8-iP9h4A/s640/blogger-image--302766385.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH6VVK-0oDZR0M0ynPiXxe6KAIsW-kcVasUWvySvhUl81mOjoo1zEtbtfNZWRzbCQwULzUvcMSEPfUmK6Xyjq-2cuHQQlktEDmKCd-YSx87yZVUpwfgLh_YSiRTrY9y80NSPw8-iP9h4A/s640/blogger-image--302766385.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE13bUePD0bLWb1RXdlvk2ABNSHtHUF4XU0p920JHpv_ed1W40Dq_ar1686eyiC743I2kbJt2FXMLxhtFECPZcmwiUUPbDUscB2lE-rje_YXZ-ZB8yayUPALnlU5-hZ06laZ87_hyphenhyphenSWM0/s640/blogger-image--1179522447.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE13bUePD0bLWb1RXdlvk2ABNSHtHUF4XU0p920JHpv_ed1W40Dq_ar1686eyiC743I2kbJt2FXMLxhtFECPZcmwiUUPbDUscB2lE-rje_YXZ-ZB8yayUPALnlU5-hZ06laZ87_hyphenhyphenSWM0/s640/blogger-image--1179522447.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg160L_wlWN4w7tYBWwW1NUtFjf66gEtbZoRBxwjgIN5vxqIcq8yh75EI4YRWrdZNiOvMm_x5oXeMRfaN3jUVL59M-RHbRijgivTmuzQOnxzVHPmgMeSAoCttUyjcW8bN0niIlGrWriHfA/s640/blogger-image-704607341.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg160L_wlWN4w7tYBWwW1NUtFjf66gEtbZoRBxwjgIN5vxqIcq8yh75EI4YRWrdZNiOvMm_x5oXeMRfaN3jUVL59M-RHbRijgivTmuzQOnxzVHPmgMeSAoCttUyjcW8bN0niIlGrWriHfA/s640/blogger-image-704607341.jpg"></a></div><br></div><br></div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div></div>Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-11946457228911635842016-04-13T20:58:00.001+10:002016-04-13T21:03:03.748+10:00Ava's 1st Birthday 16th March 2016<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEgTST4c-SkkKuBE1O4jdlzSyR9K5xbtVxmHwRZ7x2zZou7TBSE9nB8_Yh2Vg8IIeRTAg_cWS0Sin08wQgVWzVQNIfKL57j7hxICKys1d3mf4JZkCB2Z69XMTh6QAzN4MQErZrnAPHdGM/s640/blogger-image-2139392112.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEgTST4c-SkkKuBE1O4jdlzSyR9K5xbtVxmHwRZ7x2zZou7TBSE9nB8_Yh2Vg8IIeRTAg_cWS0Sin08wQgVWzVQNIfKL57j7hxICKys1d3mf4JZkCB2Z69XMTh6QAzN4MQErZrnAPHdGM/s640/blogger-image-2139392112.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1aRQ8kh6X4fC7JRlh-XwBoCpMNTUU3GyXIHcPUGgKcP_cV29wg0DwsOaQfva2u9QGDE4leMTRtc67NKI392mfG_f3CSYVUMAi9p2K8VK86fKGA3I5hAdL-zRnhBSaYtQEZacpLWdWLeU/s640/blogger-image-39163130.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1aRQ8kh6X4fC7JRlh-XwBoCpMNTUU3GyXIHcPUGgKcP_cV29wg0DwsOaQfva2u9QGDE4leMTRtc67NKI392mfG_f3CSYVUMAi9p2K8VK86fKGA3I5hAdL-zRnhBSaYtQEZacpLWdWLeU/s640/blogger-image-39163130.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfW3PPe0vCnj-fsESW96nL5yW57Jx_nAk8YKGR8ofu_x7wTzbND7mpWKbUZpeCORDeau7ohJrCwCvw0OrspgKZcHbE28UTSHPoDlzv1ACLoJyfnTsk9tgBwCu7tVZWnqIUlyznFodil5g/s640/blogger-image--1759903159.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfW3PPe0vCnj-fsESW96nL5yW57Jx_nAk8YKGR8ofu_x7wTzbND7mpWKbUZpeCORDeau7ohJrCwCvw0OrspgKZcHbE28UTSHPoDlzv1ACLoJyfnTsk9tgBwCu7tVZWnqIUlyznFodil5g/s640/blogger-image--1759903159.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6HFtdKaYEGwjwD2aW5XRhk4z7BBoP3FvAdmV5s3eXqAjlRSL3hCc4ZAH80NO3W4ToMGe75T_Ju_o5qgRhqFlNcpGnyF0DvvWVKiprxqTXOSWXS1s4BPJhmbsqU5N2B26GMYZl3iLdcSA/s640/blogger-image--650551328.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6HFtdKaYEGwjwD2aW5XRhk4z7BBoP3FvAdmV5s3eXqAjlRSL3hCc4ZAH80NO3W4ToMGe75T_Ju_o5qgRhqFlNcpGnyF0DvvWVKiprxqTXOSWXS1s4BPJhmbsqU5N2B26GMYZl3iLdcSA/s640/blogger-image--650551328.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8OEwvhVzjU_k-A5b8YCalU7pI7Xb2Ei0QKOmvyPCYfQCOGaFiJIRHp3CIGaHdeEf-4pNa8yf_Lzw-4VH3uCJrH9NvOt28zoTSqQ29IWG4jk5ZHPVuOjkSHT2fYIXZuIY6_qpQqjbbv0A/s640/blogger-image-1536146046.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">e<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8OEwvhVzjU_k-A5b8YCalU7pI7Xb2Ei0QKOmvyPCYfQCOGaFiJIRHp3CIGaHdeEf-4pNa8yf_Lzw-4VH3uCJrH9NvOt28zoTSqQ29IWG4jk5ZHPVuOjkSHT2fYIXZuIY6_qpQqjbbv0A/s640/blogger-image-1536146046.jpg"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8OEwvhVzjU_k-A5b8YCalU7pI7Xb2Ei0QKOmvyPCYfQCOGaFiJIRHp3CIGaHdeEf-4pNa8yf_Lzw-4VH3uCJrH9NvOt28zoTSqQ29IWG4jk5ZHPVuOjkSHT2fYIXZuIY6_qpQqjbbv0A/s640/blogger-image-1536146046.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a>Ava's 1st Birthday! It came around way to fast but at the same time it felt so long ago that Ava entered our world and was born into heaven.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Your daughters 1st birthday is usually a time for celebration. Not having your daughter with you blowing out her candle is a very unnatural feeling and one I wouldn't wish on anyone. I can hardly describe the feeling except to say it is a deep pain that hurts emotionally but cuts so deep physically too. As desperately sad as I felt, I also couldn't help but feel a bit of joy and gratitude that I had the opportunity to hold Ava, that I had the opportunity to kiss her tiny lips and count each toe! Knowing her for just an instant is to me worth celebrating. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Now I am past the milestone of her birthday I look back in hindsight and can see the the few days prior to her birthday were far more painful and produced far more tears than the actual day itself which I have heard is quite common among bereaved parents. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I am very blessed to be a mummy so the day started off with myself volunteering in my daughters classroom with reading groups. I told myself that I am a mummy to two daughters and a son so I really felt that it was important that I be there being a mummy for Ella just as I wanted desperately to be the same mummy for Ava and I will never get the chance to help in Ava's classroom. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I came home to my husband and son and then we packed the car with all of the donations that the volunteers from Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small had made over the last few months. I met my friend Natasha (who also lost her son Elijah) last year at the hospital and we delivered the huge boxes to the antenatal ward. We set up the morning tea (thanks to my friends who cooked for it, in particular Natasha who made special cupcakes (her son Levi was sadly born at Nepean too way too early) the staffroom and had such a lovely time chatting about Ava Grace No Footprint Too Small and everything the volunteers have been making and we also spoke about Ava (and Natasha's Elijah). It was lovely speaking the the midwives who make such a big impacting the lives of families birthing babies they will never get to take home from hospital. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">After this we left and came home and when Ella came home from school we did our balloon release - 1 balloon from each of us. We saved one of Natasha's beautiful cupcakes and we sing happy birthday to Ava and the kids blew her candle out. The kids wanted to go out to dinner for her birthday as we often do for all of our birthdays so why would we do any different for their littlest sister? I can't say it was the happiest dinner as I forced food down my throat that had a huge lump in it feeling the tears falling on my insides but I did try. I am very fortunate to have living children who can make painful and at times seemingly impossible situations bearable just by their smiles, enthusiasm, love and hugs. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6HFtdKaYEGwjwD2aW5XRhk4z7BBoP3FvAdmV5s3eXqAjlRSL3hCc4ZAH80NO3W4ToMGe75T_Ju_o5qgRhqFlNcpGnyF0DvvWVKiprxqTXOSWXS1s4BPJhmbsqU5N2B26GMYZl3iLdcSA/s640/blogger-image--650551328.jpg"></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfW3PPe0vCnj-fsESW96nL5yW57Jx_nAk8YKGR8ofu_x7wTzbND7mpWKbUZpeCORDeau7ohJrCwCvw0OrspgKZcHbE28UTSHPoDlzv1ACLoJyfnTsk9tgBwCu7tVZWnqIUlyznFodil5g/s640/blogger-image--1759903159.jpg"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1aRQ8kh6X4fC7JRlh-XwBoCpMNTUU3GyXIHcPUGgKcP_cV29wg0DwsOaQfva2u9QGDE4leMTRtc67NKI392mfG_f3CSYVUMAi9p2K8VK86fKGA3I5hAdL-zRnhBSaYtQEZacpLWdWLeU/s640/blogger-image-39163130.jpg"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEgTST4c-SkkKuBE1O4jdlzSyR9K5xbtVxmHwRZ7x2zZou7TBSE9nB8_Yh2Vg8IIeRTAg_cWS0Sin08wQgVWzVQNIfKL57j7hxICKys1d3mf4JZkCB2Z69XMTh6QAzN4MQErZrnAPHdGM/s640/blogger-image-2139392112.jpg"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">At the end of the night we lit a special candle that another dear friend (Shannon who is Benjamin's mummy and Ava's friend in heaven) had given me for Ava's first birthday along with our other Bears of Hope Candles. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHpnCuhdNvOzoMrYjwPM-dlqR12kbSDeMC-Ji2oZQn8YohQSENQgzZhiL7RtJuvSMQ5-ZYL5h8IxBeNpi_N4aUGrq7nQ7NE7MLuDhJF8aGwyGR4OOvedcPU13fsHcAyhX5qMfVyYmxrU8/s640/blogger-image-1360762978.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHpnCuhdNvOzoMrYjwPM-dlqR12kbSDeMC-Ji2oZQn8YohQSENQgzZhiL7RtJuvSMQ5-ZYL5h8IxBeNpi_N4aUGrq7nQ7NE7MLuDhJF8aGwyGR4OOvedcPU13fsHcAyhX5qMfVyYmxrU8/s640/blogger-image-1360762978.jpg"></font></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">It was lovely to receive cards and presents and text messages from close friends and families who acknowledged Ava's birthday and what this day meant for us. I can tell you that the acknowledgment of Ava's life is the single most important thing to me when it comes to Ava and all that had happened.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Thankyou to those who honoured Ava's life on her 1st birthday through our fundraiser for Heartfelt Photographers. We really appreciate your help in funding this great cause.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">https://www.mycause.com.au/page/121006/ava-grace-johnson-1st-birthday-fundraiser-for-heartfelt</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Ava Grace Johnson 16.3.15 </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">105grams</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">15.5cm length</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">10cm HC </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Forget loved, forever missed. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"> <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Ava-Grace-no-footprint-too-small-456622537829000/" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">https://www.facebook.com/Ava-Grace-no-footprint-too-small-456622537829000/</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><br></div></div></div></div></div>Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1532174814063540936.post-74769674285911578092016-03-15T21:19:00.001+11:002016-03-15T21:19:19.601+11:00The eve of Ava's birthIt was at this time (the eve of Ava's birth) that we were arriving at the hospital as I was cramping and having fairly regular contractions. I was so scared, numb, in shock and already bone tired in grief as I knew the worst was to come...<div><br></div><div>There are so many triggers for bereaved parents in the lead up to their baby's first birthday in heaven. The last 6 weeks for us has meant every appointment and every ultrasound being on reply in our minds. </div><div>The last week has been particularly difficult as it was this time a year ago that things got very serious and all we received bad news and we could literally see Ava's cystic hygroma growing rapidly every few days almost completely reaching right around her neck (by the time she was born the hygroma was completely around her neck). </div><div><br></div><div>I cried a lot yesterday. I felt numb for most of today. I have no idea how I'll feel tomorrow, probably a mixture of every emotion a person can feel, similar to how I felt the moment I first held Ava. I remember vividly feeling such overwhelming happiness meeting my youngest daughter but such a deep physical pain of having my heart shattered into a million pieces. </div><div><br></div><div>Tomorrow I will be going back to the hospital where she was born. I will be talking a large donation with me to give to the antenatal ward. The boxes contain tiny baby hats, gowns, dresses, booties, cardigans, sleeping bags, sleeping pouches, blankets and even a tiny onesie. I am so thankful to every volunteer who has been so generous with their time and money. They have shown me that Ava's life mattered and she has a legacy that will continue. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhELy3dcXrAWefBCQssmCHxY7Qz37nmeJuvZcub0ihefT-t55HN4AoxL8z31kgXwcgrYh6EnQplEIkX-tJuX3AFwWNJygxhkTgldh4TxiuZQGigB5ByEyrpjL9P2RHRTko5vCY0aGZ0qZA/s640/blogger-image--1416597328.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhELy3dcXrAWefBCQssmCHxY7Qz37nmeJuvZcub0ihefT-t55HN4AoxL8z31kgXwcgrYh6EnQplEIkX-tJuX3AFwWNJygxhkTgldh4TxiuZQGigB5ByEyrpjL9P2RHRTko5vCY0aGZ0qZA/s640/blogger-image--1416597328.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Ava's Mummy xxxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10306565650737392906noreply@blogger.com0